Prayer, Fasting and Broken Resolutions

New Year’s Day is one of my favorite holidays because it gives me an opportunity to take a quick glance into people’s lives and find out what makes them tick. Few men start off the New Year with prayer and fasting, most find themselves positioned to break another year of resolutions. There are even a group of guys that refuse to make resolutions to avoid the heartache of breaking it.

I’ve always wondered what thoughts transpired in the minds of each of these men as they chose their direction for the year. Do those deciding not to make a resolution, so they can’t break it, realize that they are making a choice to be passive at the beginning of the year? Figuratively speaking, whether it is Aristotelian physics at play or Newton’s theory of motion, we all know that it’s very hard for a passive man to become active.

Once a man gives up the reins of his life to chance or the whim of others, he pretty much sentences himself to despair. That is unless he is willing at some point to apply a tremendous amount of effort to turn the table on his decision. It actually takes less energy to paint a vision and work toward it from the beginning.

Then there are the men who decide to be proactive in their new 2010 life. They set several goals and end up in one of two categories. The one group being those who set unrealistic expectations that will disappoint themselves because they never really considered their heart – Most trying to fulfill other people’s goals rather than their own.

The second group is made up of those who set somewhat lofty goals, trusting that something will change in order to help them achieve it. These are the guys who talk about shooting for the moon so they at least make it over the fence. I never could relate to that one. However, there is a song I like that talks about having a dream big enough to fail unless God is in it.

Chasing after God in the first part of the year is indeed a great idea. Getting his perspective on our lives and bringing focus to what he wants us to accomplish makes sense. After all, he is the only one who knows how the year will play out. The irony of prayer and fasting at the beginning of the year is that it puts most men out of their comfort zone.

Certainly we all need to stretch our comfort zone from time to time. But introducing a new activity or set of unknowns into the mix may only make goal setting more difficult. However, the positive thing about kicking off the New Year with prayer and fasting is its spiritual context of bringing the body back into discipline after some have acted like a lazy glutton or couch potato during the holidays.

I’m all for prayer and fasting during the first two weeks of the New Year followed by two weeks of my new normal activities to re-establish my comfort zones. Then by the first of February, I’m ready to plan out the next eleven months of goals and activities based on a healthy perspective.

Some have suggested to me that I prepare my goals before the New Year and then enter into prayer and fasting for confirmation. I choose to seek God’s perspective up front and try to get myself inline with him, rather than asking him to bless my choices. Granted, I have to deal with several who will pester me about my resolutions because they feel it needs to be made in January, but I don’t let it get to me. Besides, I’ve learned that ramping up to my goals allows me to achieve far more of them than the man who demands the resolutions are determined before the year opens.

I’ve also learned that by the time I’m working my plan, most men have given up on theirs. They have endured the pressure of negative comments regarding their faults and previous failures, while I’m quietly ramping up unnoticed. Six months down the road, many men are working hard to turn the tables and get life back on track, while I’m halfway through my plan, minus a few bumps along the way.

I’m convinced that there is a lot to be said for avoiding the hype of a resolution and just setting your feet to a path you take one step at a time. I learned back at age twelve that life will turn sour and those who keep taking one step at a time will end up on the other side of their problems. Oh, it isn’t quick or fun, but you do arrive.

So, if you are interested in my resolutions for 2010, feel free to ask me sometime around Valentine’s Day. Not only will I have the answer for you, but I’ll already be working it. Happy New Year!

Escape From Sciatica

By Kevin M. Kraft

“You know, Lord,” I said during a casual chat with God. “I really hope I don’t develop some chronic physical condition that leaves me in constant pain or inhibits my ability to move freely.”

The next day I pulled a muscle in my hip, or so I thought. I was exercising as usual, performing leg lifts, a holdout exercise from my high school football days – great for developing strong abdominal muscles – when I felt the pull. I thought no problem, as I had felt similar things before. Eventually it’ll go away and I’ll be as good as new.

But it didn’t go away. In fact, treating it like a minor muscle pull exacerbated it.

One day when I got up, I suddenly found myself on the floor bracing against walls and gripped in the absolute worst pain I could have ever imagined possible. I had developed a severe case of sciatica: inflammation of the sciatic nerve. In my case, a bulging vertebrae clamping down on the nerve and debilitating the lower left side of my body from my hip down through my feet caused it.

The pain at its worst was like lightning blasting through my leg, only slightly less severe – no, that wasn’t true, it was just different – It felt more like my left foot was immersed in lava. My body bent over and twisted, as it compensated for the injury. I, a physically fit man in my forties, became debilitated. Welcome to Sciatica.

My first reaction, other than “AUGH!” was not to rally against God or curse Him for allowing this challenge in my life. Nor did I simply wait for God to reveal some big truth to me during this dark journey. In the midst of my Sciatica affliction, I was interested in what God wanted me to learn, do or discern.

When the worst of the initial pain subsided, I found myself disabled. I was unable to sit, stand or lie down (even to sleep) for extended periods of time. I was hard-pressed to find any relief. During my stay at home on medical leave I found myself useless, sleepless and lame. The simplest tasks were impossible for me.

During my recovery I saw firsthand what my wife, a stay-at-home mom, did to manage our home and four children. Adding to her numerous tasks, was carting me to medical professionals, setting appointments and securing the many pharmaceuticals prescribed for my recovery.

She also looked after my personal care, assisted me in exercising what muscles I could to prevent atrophy and she never once uttered a complaint. I was amazed. I couldn’t have done what she did. With all the added responsibilities, the tiring and stressful workload, she somehow managed it all faithfully with pure devotion and love.

Her life inspired me.

And, she inspired my kids as well. Each of my four kids took up the slack, doing more than what was required of them, especially my two eldest. I was proud of them all!

I was humbled by their service of love.

In fact, during my recovery I was humbled many times as I fought to bring my rebellious body back under my command. Whereas, I never doubted my ability to take care of myself, I now felt vulnerable, off-balanced and unsafe. It was hard to have always been in top shape and suddenly find myself in a body like that of an old man. I had to trust in God, my wife and the kids.

In all her wisdom, my wife reminded me during the slow and agonizing journey back from Sciatica that my strength and safety comes from the Lord alone.

As I write this, four months after landing in Sciatica, I’m about at 75% capacity. My back is largely straight, thank God, yet I still work to regain the strength I had before. Pain still besets me enough to warrant a case, but I’m managing a greatly reduced number of pain medications. Things improved to the point where I’ve returned to work.

I was the recipient of several other wonderful changes along with my improved health. Circumstances allowed me to work the night shift, giving me the opportunity to be with my family during the bulk of their waking hours. And, I feel wonderful after having my family walk together through the crisis. I am a blessed man to have such a precious family.

Today, my family not only blesses me, but I also learned to appreciate them for who they are – A valuable lesson from God. You can imagine that I’m now even more active in communicating to my wife just how much I love and appreciate everything she is and what she does for me and the kids. Bless you, Sharon, and thank you for your love and faithfulness to me!

Feed My Starving Children

CJ shares his experience at Feed My Starving Children.

A New Hope

In this video entry I share my story about George Washington praying at Valley Forge.

Story

I recently attended a conference called Story. It wasn’t just about every story having a beginning, middle and end. It was about how to communicate our experiences in ways that help others understand and possibly feel what we’ve encountered. Stories help us to understand life.

Anon, a Siberian Elder once said, “If you don’t know the trees you may be lost in the forest. If you don’t know the stories you may be lost in life.”

Author Ursula K. Leguin put it another way, “There have been great societies that did not use the wheel, but there have been no societies that did not tell stories.”

When God’s son showed up on our planet He had the power to heal and raise people from the dead. However, one thing He seemed to do more than anything else was tell stories or parables. He could have just stated the facts or pointed out the six easy steps to doing whatever, but instead He chose to relate to those around Him through the sharing of stories.

Today, we continue to share stories in books, on television and in movie theaters. Many of those stories have touched lives and cultures in many ways. Modern day stories shown on the silver screen have popularized clothing lines, catch phrases and worldviews or philosophies of life. In fact, it’s my opinion that stories mold a generation.

With story being so important, I understand why God had a Christian invent television, creating the very rules that didn’t allow for words like water closet to be used on air. It also made sense to me why God positioned the church to police the motion picture industry with the Hays Motion Picture Code for decades. During that time period films wouldn’t make it into the theaters unless the Christian film office gave its approval on the film’s content. No wonder that era was considered the golden age of movies.

What I have difficulty understanding is why the church pulled out of television and walked away from the job of policing movies before they could be released. The moment the Christians pulled out, the number of R-rated films skyrocketed. Profanity also moved into television and got worse every decade. The church had given its story telling media to the secular industry.

Today there is a grassroots movement to bring story back into our lives in the form of wholesome and moral entertainment. But more importantly, preachers and fathers are moving back to sharing stories that reveal who God is and how we are to live with Him. Many of the stories tell of His mighty works in our simple lives and how much He loves us.

It’s my hope that we will all learn how to share stories of our lives with others, in hopes of each listener being able to understand and feel how good life can be with God at the center of it. Do you have a story that is itching to be told? I suggest you share it with those around you and watch how it impacts their lives. It is a priceless value worth sharing.

Failure to Fail

I debated about entering the 168 Write of Passage screenplay competition recently. It was a difficult choice since I felt like my reputation would be at risk. Over the past year I’ve been a screenwriting columnist, sharing proven techniques for filmmakers and writers to improve their craft, resulting in me being perceived as an expert of sorts.

While there was a good basis for this perception, I felt like some put me on a pedestal. In some people’s minds I could do no wrong in the area of story and was therefore set up for a fall – especially since story is subjective. Needles to say, I swallowed hard and entered the competition.

It didn’t take long before I received my rejection notice. I hadn’t even made it off of the ground. While I’m not sure how many levels of competition there was, it was clear that I didn’t make it out of the gate. The one point of solace for me was that I received excellence in the categories of my story premise or high concept, and scriptural integrity. All the rest of the categories received a marking of fair.

During my morning devotional, I read about Cain and Abel bringing their gifts to the Lord. Cain presented a fair gift, while Abel gave the best he had. Abel had raised excellent livestock and chose from the fold his very best as a gift offering to God.

Given my circumstances, the one thing I couldn’t help but notice was that both men made an attempt by giving a gift. I wondered what would have happened if one of them chose not to do anything. I further speculated on what would have happened to all around them if one decided to live with apathy at the core of their Christian life.

While I was not able to pull off something spectacular or award winning during the seven-day competition, I at least took the risk of failing. This resulted in me meeting new friends, improving my techniques and diving into more research for additional improvements – an ongoing process in filmmaking.

However, I took pause to consider what would have happened if I chose not to enter.

I currently have a story being considered for the silver screen, as a direct result from having entered the competition. And, I can tell you that I’d rather sign a contract for a screenplay than win a trophy. Apathy would have gotten me nowhere, but it would have protected my pride and my position. Thank God I was willing to take the risk of failing.

Now, it is possible that I won’t get a contract, and I’m sure the competition is fierce, but had I not done anything…

When I was raising my kids, I told them to each find some activity they could be involved in that they were really bad at. I wanted them to find a skill that they could fail at miserably. While their faces were perplexed, they soon learned that it wasn’t so bad to fail. In fact, they found it freeing. They also found that when the pressure of success was taken off, they could actually improve and get better. Although, they found that the better they got, the more pressure would be put on them by others. It didn’t take long to realize that not taking the risk was the only kind of failure they couldn’t live with.

I once heard Dr. Henry Cloud tell single men that the only reason they haven’t found the right woman was because they hadn’t failed enough. He recommended that the moment his talk ended, they should go out a meet a minimum of five women and see how many rejections they could obtain.

Michael Jordan understood the logic behind failure. His career points scored were amazing, but more amazing was how many attempts he made, or should I say how many times he failed to make the shot. What’s interesting is that no one remembers the misses, as they’re too busy talking about the successes.

When you think of Walt Disney, you can’t help but think of the incredible creativity and global success he had. Few people reflect on his seven near bankruptcies. Thomas Edison learned that there were 999 ways not to invent the light bulb before he invented it. The makers of 409 cleaner learned that there were 408 formulas that didn’t get the job done.

I’m convinced that the only failure comes from the choice to do nothing. So if you bump into me this week, you’ll probably find me working at failing. And when those success stories come, I will rejoice all the more in how God used my small steps of faith to do marvelous things for His kingdom. The reward of pleasing God and helping others far outweighs the risk of failure.

Hope Brings Survival

The sitting area at the Department of Human Services (DHS) was packed with people waiting to receive food stamps. The faces showed little life, as most were overwhelmed by their dire situations. A sense of emptiness filled the room with a few exceptions – the ones who had just submitted their request forms for the first time.

I looked into one man’s eyes and saw a sadness that is only embraced by those who no longer see any value in themselves. He was down on his luck for sometime and had no hope whatsoever. A couple was anxious to receive their allotment, so they could stop by the store on the way home to feed their kids for the first time since last week.

One man was trying to get sober enough to request provisions for another drink. A woman off in the corner cried and cried, not being able to understand how she ended up with nothing after the divorce. A little girl with her belly extended from hunger kept asking her grandmother when they would be able to eat again.

If only I had money with me, I would have responded. I was not in any position to help the crowd of forty some people that were crammed into the small waiting area. The only thing I could give them was hope, but they were weary of my presence because of the clean shirt I wore. I stood out like a sore thumb.

I blessed those who I could bless and prayed silently for others. My heart felt wrenched from the surrounding misery, filth and stench. My mind couldn’t comprehend all that I saw in the second wealthiest county in the United States – the clear representation of abject poverty.

Tears flowed from my eyes when I got home. The sights and experiences of the morning had emotionally devastated me. And what of me, would I sell all I had and give it to the poor?

I remembered a wealthy friend from years ago who visited squalor homes and helped erect tin roofs over cardboard walls in Mexico. He was so moved that he wanted to give everything he had, if it weren’t for his responsibilities to his family, associates and local church. He had to remind himself that the poor would always be among us.

My heart would never be the same after my visit to the DHS facility. I thanked God that my value was in Him and not in my work, which can so easily disappear in this day and age. I was so thankful that God’s word brings hope, the one ingredient that most were missing.

Hopelessness is worse than hardship because it represents the poverty of the soul. How rich I am to find solace in Christ and joy in knowing that God is looking out for me during my desperate days. I have hope and will therefore survive, but for the hopeless, they rely on us taking the initiative to speak hope into their lives. For to whom much is given, much is required.

Preparing for the Holidays

The air is charged with emotional expectations from Thanksgiving through the Super Bowl. It is a time of year when most men want to let go and relax, but they find themselves walking on eggshells, trying to avoid disappointing a family member’s unexpressed and emotionally based expectation. It becomes a no win scenario that men are confident they will lose.

Last weekend I had the fortunate opportunity to have my entire adult family back in the area for what I’ll call a pre-holiday dinner. The evening was charged with emotions as everyone had an expectation of how the night should go or probably would go. Each person brought their unspoken fears and hopes into the dinning room, filing it with an uneasiness or tension.

The moment I made a comment that could be taken as a cut or ambiguous at best, a person who always desires the best from others, jumped on me with words that felt condemning – the same type of judgment that she hoped would not be present so everyone could feel loved and accepted.

The words I spoke could be taken one of three ways: positively; negatively; or, in jest (positive with a negative lining). The person who needed everything to go right or perfect, saw it negatively. Then again with emotions peaked for the evening, I’m confident all saw it negatively and wouldn’t even be able to fathom how it could be taken any other way. The tension brought into the event colored the way everyone perceived things.

The wrong words coming out of my mouth helped me to realize that everyone had a choice to make in how they handled my poorly stated comment; with grace or disdain. I too had a choice to emotionally check out or stay in the game. Since I don’t like the outcome when my friends mentally or emotionally check out during their family events, I choose to stay involved even though I might be the recipient of more emotional hits.

While some might wonder if I’m a masochist, let me clarify that by staying emotionally and mentally present, I have a wonderful opportunity to demonstrate grace in how I receive those emotional hits. It gives my family an opportunity to see grace in action. Although, some would argue that they will only remember my offense and not how I handled the embracing verbal correction in front of everyone.

Men need respect and the surest way to hurt a man through disrespect during a family event is to ask him a “why” question about his behavior in front of others, tearing down the relationship. Unfortunately, in family events that are filled with tension, most people jump on the first person to say or do anything wrong, charging the air with even more tension and dread – Except for the relief felt knowing that someone else became the target for the evening.

When grace is present at family functions, inappropriate comments are overlooked, allowing the person to relax and make less tension based mistakes. If a person persists in poor behavior, a gracious person takes them to the side and asks them a “what” question to understand the emotional pain or mental anguish they might be facing that triggered such behavior. This opens the door for intimacy and allows the gracious person to pray for them and show them acceptance – It strengthens the relationship.

I know in advance which parties with family or friends will be volatile and which ones will be filled with grace. I’m also confident that I will be cut down at least once during the volatile event and should therefore be prepared not to get angry or withdraw. I sometimes wonder if I subconsciously make the first foolish comment to draw the attacks away from everyone else for the evening, discharging the tension so all can relax and have fun. Then again, my recent lay-off probably had more to do with last weekend’s blunder than anything else – Never under estimate the power of insecurity in someone else’s life.

I also know what parties will welcome me and I will go with a happy heart, knowing that I will receive an abundance of grace and love in those households. While some would suggest that I only go to the parties where I receive acceptance, I will continue to attend all parties filled with people I love. I’ll just give myself permission to come late and leave early in order to reduce the amount of emotional hits I have to shield my heart from.

There is nothing more freeing than making a decision in advance of the event about the length of time I will participate in and the emotional responses I’ll allow myself to share with others. My life experience has proven that what I think leads to what I feel, which leads to how I act. By pre-determining my thoughts about the upcoming event, prepares me to respond appropriately when things get out of hand. I have a friend that takes it a step further and actually works out a script of what will be said in order to preclude a lot of negative emotions and battles.

So this holiday season I will focus on demonstrating grace to everyone and limit the amount of emotional hits I’ll receive before leaving the difficult parties. And who knows, maybe if others are also practicing grace, we will soon see more emotionally friendly parties than tension filled ones.

God Walks With Us Through Conflict

AuthenticTeens.com is one of my favorite sites. While it is designed to encourage teens to live authentic lives, I can’t help but appreciate the sentiment that authenticity is needed among all Christians. Being “real” as my generation used to say is desperately needed. We live in a society filled with real struggles. So real that some suffering Christians question whether or not they really know God as a result of their plight. It makes me wonder if we’ve lost track that our God walks through the valley of the shadow of death with us.

The pretentious sugar coated god that some still preach is obsolete. The lack of relevance living a false “mama’s boy” life is numbing. It’s time for men to step up and be a strong standard for those around him, while suffering through his own struggles. Being a man of God today suggests we admit our faults and continue to share Christ’s love in spite of ourselves. After all, we know the story of the two fish and five loaves used to feed the 5,000. It gives me confidence that God can use the little amount of godliness in my life to help someone else.

Life has become gritty and many Christians are putting forth a lot of energy trying to maintain a gritless life. They bend over backwards trying to keep their pretense or facade in place, hoping to attract non-believers to a rosy gospel. Unfortunately, those who are hurting economically and by the hand of dysfunctional families need a savior who isn’t afraid of getting his white robe dirty.

Conflict is all around us and we can no longer pretend it doesn’t affect Christians – It does.

The Bible tells us that it rains on the just and the unjust. And today, I’d say the rain is saturated with pollutants. I can’t turn on the television without seeing something the Bible tells me not to dwell on. The availability of trash is rampant on the web. Worse yet, is the apathy among churches to engage society with a relevant gospel in a meaningful way – Most are too busy maintaining status quo of a cheery Christianized disposition.

Let’s just admit that we Christians still need grace.

I sin all too often, but I no longer allow it to slow me down from sharing Christ’s love with those who need it. One of my greatest sins, if I dare measure it, is not being honest enough to allow others to see me for who I am including my faults. How refreshing it was to share in last Sunday’s class a struggle I’ve faced several times in my life. Not only did confessing my struggle to the class help me live a transparent life, but it allowed the adults taking the class to get a real example of how God can meet them in the middle of their struggles as well.

The thing I appreciate the most about the class I lead, is that we make the room a safe place for sharing our personal struggles. Whatever is said in the class stays in the classroom. Out of respect for all participants, everyone honors that code. And what a freeing experience to be able to share openly without receiving any judgment, which speaks volumes of a modern day miracle.

Unfortunately, many churches prefer to not offer classes that deal with conflict or negative issues. They prefer to put on popular classes that attract those who are looking for some form of positive spiritual entertainment that doesn’t require difficult heart work. Not everyone is interested in really knowing the one true, authentic and living God when they find themselves steeped in negative issues. Some would rather pretend that all is well.

It is my supposition that churches didn’t choose to end up in this scenario, but focused on having God’s peace as confirmation of His touch in their lives. Some eventually skewed the perspective and avoided all forms of conflict to prove their walk with Him, rather than walking through the conflict with Him. It is possible that their views shifted to believe that they were walking according to Christ by being free of conflict rather than being peaceful through conflict.

Jesus faced a huge amount of conflict and shared with us about the peace that passes all understanding. It’s the type of peace that can rest in your life in the middle of unemployment. The kind of peace that can get you through family conflicts that rarely resolve. It is the incomprehensible peace that meets you in the shadows of loneliness and despair. It is a peace that proves our God reigns today, regardless of what we face.

There is an authentic God and He is with us in our authentic lives. Unfortunately, He finds little room for himself in the lives of those putting on pretense or taking away the safety of sharing our lives with each other. As for me, I will serve the God of peace that resides in the middle of my confusion, agitation or aggravated experiences. He is a big God and He can handle my messes and pour out His grace to me because of who He is, not who I am.

Now tell me, who during these difficult economic times would walk away from getting to know such a God?

A Waterfall of Demonstration Kills Empty Expectations

The other day one of my female friends was wondering why few people showed up to the church missionary dessert event. I shared how one person told me they weren’t going because it had the same speaker from the previous two events, the same choir, the same band and the same plea for donations. And since he had already pledged his support, he saw no reason to attend.

My friend got a little ruffled and she shared that we are to go, not because of what we get out of it, but what we can put into it. As I reflected on her words, I realized that she was missing one interesting fact; no one had ever taught or demonstrated to the man how a Christian is to support church events. He had no clue.

The discipline of tithing popped into my mind and it dawned on me that I could count on one hand the number of times it was taught from the pulpit over the past dozen years. I couldn’t help but wonder how all the new Christians attending our church were going to learn how to tithe and the incredible blessings that come into our lives as a result.

A few weeks ago I bumped into a group of women chatting in the hallway of our church. They were complaining about how many of them are ready to mentor younger women, but few of the younger generation are interested. Their conversation quickly turned toward the downward trend of younger women not knowing how to be a blessing to God and their church.

With all the churches I’ve visited in my travels, the expectations of some church leaders amaze me. Some expect the body to tithe, but they won’t teach on a somewhat regular basis the blessings that come from it. Others have wisdom to share and wonder why no one is seeking them out. What happened to mentoring and demonstrating? Have we forgotten that new Christians don’t have a clue?

When I first became a believer at age 12, I was blessed to have a pastor spend some one-on-one time with me. He showed me how to lay hands on the sick with compassion and pray for them. He walked me through how to listen to the Spirit and know His voice. He stepped me through every aspect of tithing and the giving of offerings – how to give according to the Spirit, not the emotions driven by elitism or guilt.

The church I attend today is too large for the head pastor to spend quality time with everyone. In fact, our church is so large that most wouldn’t expect our pastor to know them by name. However, our head pastor can guide our team of some 20+ pastors, who can each guide their key people or lead volunteers, who could guide those under them, and so on. By using the waterfall principle, our pastor has the ability to demonstrate down through the ranks everything we need to know for righteous living.

Once the demonstration is passed down to the men in the church, they in turn can pass it down to their kids, who can share it with the neighbor kids, and so on. What an incredible and powerful tool our pastor has in place.

Can you imagine the confidence men would have in the church if a pastor decided to demonstrate from the platform how to pray for a wife? And then, demonstrate it again for the other pastors, who would demonstrate it to their lead volunteers, who would demonstrate it to their ministry teams or small groups, who would then demonstrate it to their families. Within a matter of months, the men in our church would be comfortable and knowledgeable about how to pray for their wives.

The married women I know would be ecstatic. They would turn around and tell all their friends in the community what their church was teaching and how their husbands are blessing them. I’m confident the joy of those women would be so high; they would forget about the affects the economy had on their lives and they would be inviting neighbors to church regularly.

Everyone directly impacts about 200 people each year, but most don’t take advantage of passing on any enlightenment. If they wait on the sidelines for their pastor to teach them how and what to pass on, they may never do it. So, since Jesus called us directly to fulfill the great commission and to love one another as He loves us, I suggest that married men dive in and begin praying for their wife today. And, single men can start praying for their future wife, as women love to hear how they were thought about and prayed for, before ever meeting.

Not all pastors will have the same structure in place and not all pastors would be willing to use such a powerful tool regularly for fear of someone changing the message to something unhealthy in the process. But, we are all individually responsible before God to seek what we need to learn and to pass it along to others – Together we might live kingdom principle filled lives as a witness to the world.

As for me, I love having a mentor in my life and I always make myself available to mentor others when I can. I’m a firm believer in demonstrating biblical applications within our lives that help us to live according to God’s kingdom-lifestyle. So I’m dropping all empty expectations I have for others and I will implement a waterfall affect of demonstrating what I’ve learned to those around me, in person or electronically.

Valuable Words in Business

Last week a friend pointed out to me that she wasn’t sure if her words were valuable or if they were just words. She wanted to make sure that what she shared inspired. She was adamant about making a difference in her workplace and touching those around her, but had no clue if her words accomplished any form of productivity in the life of the hearer.

Few people who mentor, speak or lead get the opportunity to hear the effectiveness of their words. Most receive plenty of negative feedback based on the potential change their words bring into the other person’s life, but few get positive feedback or even a simple thank you as most expect a leader to have shared what they did.

In business we set our direction and live by words. The corporate goals or departmental objectives are words that drive the strategy of the firm and our daily activities. When the words are good and followed, it drives excellence and moves the business forward. When the words are not demonstrated, but rather just talked about, it deflates the workers and reduces productivity.

The words put in place by our corporations to live by are just words unless we actually live by them. Hypocritical managers always find frustration when they can’t seem to get their employees to follow the rules. They find themselves having strong words with more and more employees, rather than taking responsibility to demonstrate the rules and seeing its positive impact on all onlookers.

I’ve read many business books from across the world including The Art of War by Chinese writer Zǐ Bīng Fǎ and I must admit, the best business book in the world is still the Bible. Here is what it says about our words:

Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one. Matthew 5:37

It isn’t rocket science, but plain common sense. If we walk our talk, we will find that people will eventually listen. If they listen, they will eventually reflect on our words. If our words are sound, they will embrace our words and put them into practice. Once in practice, they will be rewarded by the effectiveness of the words and most likely pass the wisdom on to another or return to thank us. In either case, our words will be productive.

Its only when we don’t walk our talk that frustration surfaces. I don’t know how many times I’ve heard the phrase, “do as I say, not as I do.” It is foolish. No one in their right mind would follow someone who isn’t willing to drink their own Kool-Aid. People want authenticity and they’re not about to follow anyone who lives hypocritically unless they feel that they have no other choice.

I remember my dad sharing a story with me during my junior high years. He was out smoking and drinking with his buddies and conversing about their teenagers. The one drew in deeply from his cigarette and then let it out slowly. He sighed, “I don’t understand it, I tell my kids not to smoke, but I keep catching them at it. How can I make my kids listen?”

My dad saw his friend as a hypocrite, pulled out his cigarettes and laid them on the bar. He said his goodbyes and headed home never to smoke again. He didn’t want his kids to smoke and decided to live by example. He wanted his words to count, so he thought he’d better walk the talk. The result, I’ve never tried a cigarette or cigar. I believed his words.

As for my dad’s friend, well, his son still smokes to this very day. He is battling the same lung disease that took his mother and his life is in disarray. All, as he put it, because he could never find words he could trust. And, when I asked him about his father, some of his words sounded quite condemning. Just as the Bible states for the hypocritical:

Let your "Yes" be yes, and your "No," no, or you will be condemned. James 5:12b

Workers only want to follow the man who leads through example. It doesn’t matter how many degrees we have or the depths of our experience, what matters is that we live by the very words we require others to follow. Simply put, we need to do what we say we are going to do and do what we want others to do.

As for me, I will endeavor to demonstrate it and live by it.

Moral or Politically Correct?

I was chatting with a woman who demanded that her boyfriend always use diplomacy and tact. She made him feel like he had no choice and every time he would respond out of his inner “beast” she would look at him with distain. There was no respect for him and she found it important to push him to become more like her girlfriends – after all, they “knew how to build relationships.”

My heart compelled me to respond and using my own example I pointed out that if we men are doing God’s will, we will always have enemies. She countered using Bill Hybels of Willow Creek as her example. She stated that he gets along with everyone and doesn’t have any enemies. Since I didn’t know if Bill kept the uncomfortable portion of his job under raps or if he truly was a friend to everyone, I decided not to further the discussion, but rather investigate if it was possible to be everyone’s friend including God’s.

It didn’t take me long before James 4:4 jumped out at me while reading.

“You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God.” James 4:4

This verse was located in the portion of James’ text discussing how we as a church should not judge each other; instead help guide each other into holiness in our internal relationships. We are to go beyond superficialities or political correctness.

James was rebutting the political correctness of the time and challenged the believers to not worry about fitting in with society, but to focus on separating themselves unto God and His family. The believers were working so hard at getting along with society, that they lost track of their own morals and were judging other believers according to how they got along with others in society.

The chapter goes on to suggest that the believers needed to do self-examination and evaluate themselves according to God’s standards. And, if they found something amiss, he recommended they change their ways and correct their own paths. This was all capped off with a reminder that God’s grace would cover their lives as they walked in this humble approach.

James’ words brought healing to many, but it also set them a part from society, which led to several conflicts when they followed God’s standards over the political correctness of the day.

I couldn’t help but reflect back on King David and the numerous writings that extolled his greatness. Oh, I didn’t stagger at how majestic he was, but rather couldn’t help but notice the contrast in writings about him from the Philistine society and other non-believers. (This society was one he conquered and plundered.)

One writing suggested David was an “inconsequential bandit chieftain in the Judean hills.” Another stated he was no more than a Philistine hating mercenary for King Saul. I did not take time to research if there was any substance to these claims, as the mere presence of the claims suggested that David was not politically correct and had enemies.

Men are built to handle battle in many forms, including the facing down of a friend who is caught up in sin. While the Bible recommends we do it gently in hopes of saving our brother and restoring him to his rightful place in the kingdom, we are still to confront him. So, correct me if I’m wrong, but I can’t recall many people who appreciate confrontation and look forward to it, especially if it’s about their sinful behavior.

I suppose we can be politically correct and not confront our brother who is trapped in sin, but that wouldn’t be the loving thing to do. Instead, we need to separate our moral behaviors from the world’s sinful behaviors even if it causes us to be viewed as an enemy.

A few years ago I was on a business trip with a group of technology geeks in Canada. They voted to eat dinner in the local pub and I found myself the only one abstaining from the local lager. After several courses of drink, the food finally arrived and my taste buds seemed to be the only ones savoring every bite, as most men gulped down the meat with slugs of German ale.

Once everyone had their fill, they were off to the evening’s planned entertainment. I headed the opposite direction, returning to the hotel for a good nights sleep. One angry man shouted obscenities at me as he was stepping into the strip club. His words were that of an enemy, as he barked out that I was too good, too high and mighty to join them for manly pleasure.

I had done nothing to deserve the verbal abuse except to abstain from drink and a strip club. I have secular friends who do the same, but this man had been ridiculing me all week long because he saw me as a spiritual standard to which he fell short. It left him with a simple choice: to change his ways; or, to ridicule me so he could feel superior.

His poor choice didn’t bother me too much, but it did make me realize that by my having chosen a moral position to live by, I was setting myself against what was culturally accepted by our society and this man. My decision gave him the ability to view me as his enemy.

The following day the man apologized to me and told me he was going to return to the church. I marveled at how the Lord worked in his life, as I had never said one word to him about Christ or Christianity.

Are you ever viewed as an enemy based on your personal moral choices?

CoeD Baby Shower

Mother or Lover

Two men approached me about their wives’ behavior. The one man was convinced he was married to a mother, while the other enjoyed the gratification of interacting with his lover. The first man wanted to know how he could get his wife to become a lover and the second man wanted to know what he could do to keep his wife as a lover, especially since many said it wouldn’t last. While I’m not a counselor or psychiatrist, here is what I learned from 23 years of marriage.

Woman who act like a mother repel the men in their life, causing them to look elsewhere for satisfaction, while lovers take extra care in finding ways to draw their man in. If you find your wife acting like a mother, it may come across in several ways including talking down to you, picking up after you, making sure you are dressed right for an event, etc. If she is acting like a lover she may be extolling who you are in Christ, cherishing your character with words of affirmation to you or her friends, or even writing you special notes or performing little acts of service to please you.

If your wife is acting like a lover it’s due to the perspective she holds of you in her heart and mind. There is little you can do instantly in hopes of continuing the process, but there is a lot you can do over the balance of time. All of which requires a certain level of focus on her. We men know how to focus on tasks, but some struggle to focus on spending significant couch time or taking long walks.

Doing special little things around the house can touch a wife’s heart. Or, affirming her in who she is, especially when we don’t agree with her decision. Affirmation does not mean agreement and can do wonders for validating her importance in your life. One of the most touching things is writing a personal note that reflects the depths of your heart. The wording doesn’t have to be exact or even beautiful, as long as what you write comes directly from your heart and not some greeting card you plagiarized. She’ll know the difference.

If your wife is acting like a mother, I found it was either because I was acting like a child or she was afraid to be a vulnerable lover. In either case I had to step up and take responsibility to guide the change within me in order to watch a change develop over time in her. Please notice that I never said anything about me changing her – It won’t work.

I was the one that needed to change. There were things I needed to take responsibility for, which sub sequentially put me back in charge. Most women feel it is important for certain things to get done and if the man isn’t going to do it, she will. Unfortunately, she will also shift into the mother role to take care of those who are not responsible within the household. It appears to be a natural instinct bread deep within every woman.

I found that the only way to guarantee that I was living with a lover instead of a mother was by focusing my heart on her, affirming who she was and taking responsibility for the things around the house we jointly decided I was to manage. The result was simple: I found my wife being thankful for who I was instead of constantly praying that I would become something better.

Warm Up Conversations

On most Wednesday nights I purchase dinner in our church cafeteria and join whatever table happens to have jovial people sitting around chewing the fat (Sorry, I couldn’t resist the pun). Last night’s thunderstorm thinned out the usual crowd and I found a room with men scattered about sitting at individual tables alone. It was one of those moments when a typical woman might feel bad for the men not having any friends.

However, having friends was not the issue, as I knew all of them. The key thought that popped into my mind was wondering if they were taking advantage of personal down time to unwind from a stressful day or if they just didn’t approach the other men and ask if they could join them.

I decided to ask the man sitting solo at the largest table if I could join him and he was welcoming. After taking a seat, I noticed another man sitting at the next table over and invited him to join us. Within a few seconds other men joined until the table was filled. Not counting the guys that stopped by and stood to chat with us throughout the meal, we had 6 guys seated around the table. The comradery was great and I learned a lot from the others.

Two men chatted about their love for food and a mouth-watering treat made from sliced sweet potatoes preheated in the microwave and seared on the grill with some brown sugar and butter. Another man shared about his success overcoming his past trials through a twelve-step program based on Christ’s beatitudes. Another was excited about having two tickets to the women’s golf event in Sugar Grove; he looked forward to watching the best USA female golfers play against the best European golfers in the Solheim Cup – patriotism at its best, drawing an international crowd of some 100,000 fans to the private course.

The conversations were great and I couldn’t help but notice that the man who kicked it all off did so with a short series of questions so he could quickly learn about the man he didn’t know. He asked about the man’s name, where he lived, his work, any travel experiences he had, his hobbies and he elaborated on the one key thing the other man was interested in talking about – his sweet potato recipe.

The series of questions worked so well that I’ll share the way I chose to remember it for the next cold conversation I find myself needing to warm up. For this to work, you’ll have to picture it in your mind’s eye. It goes something like this…

Picture a giant nameplate in front of your home or apartment. It is like the kind of nameplate you would see on an executive’s desk in an office. Your name is in white letters with a wood grain backing, set on a brass stand. It is prominently positioned directly in front of where you live.

Make sure you see the place where you live clearly set behind this giant nameplate. Picture it during your favorite time of the year. Notice the details that convince you it is indeed your place of residence.

Now glance upward to the area where the chimney is located and picture a surgeon’s glove stretched over the top of the chimney. The glove appears to be larger than normal, so you can clearly see that it is a stretchable latex glove.

Picture the glove starting to expand and contract. It is as if heat or smoke is coming out of the chimney and inflating it to a super size. It gets so big that it reaches out and grabs the tail of a small biplane that is flying overhead.

The glove grabs and holds tight causing the biplane engine to cough and sputter. It moves forward and seems to snap back because of the giant glove. The plane continues to fight for release, but finds its engine not big enough to break free.

The biplane’s propellers start to sputter and slow down. It suddenly speeds up again, only to stop abruptly and then restart. Each time the propellers hesitate you can see that they are made out of two tennis rackets. They spin again and then slow so you can see the netting of the rackets in clear detail.

In one of the racket’s netting is a pink light bulb that blinks. It seems to flicker and fade as the rackets spin and then disengage. The light bulb is a unique one, as it is 13½ watts. Suddenly the light gets bright enough that you think it will explode and you realize that you’ve memorized the six topics.

The nameplate reminds you how important the person’s name is. The home represents where he lives. The surgeon’s glove is a reminder to ask about his work. The plane grabbed by the glove helps you explore his work travel or any other kind of travel experiences he has had. The tennis racket propellers symbolize the various hobbies the person might have explored. And, the pink light bulb reminds you to chat about any key idea he may have brought up during your conversation.

By focusing on these six topics that most people are willing to discuss, you will find a depth of information that will make you proud to know them. And who knows, you may find yourself on a path to a new friendship.

During your exploration, please keep in mind that most people can tell if you are sincere and truly listening. Understanding what a person is trying to share takes practice, but its benefits are great, especially if you love the new grilled sweet potato recipe you gain.

Marriage Conference: Marriage-Morning and Evening

Marriage Conference
Marriage-Morning and Evening
January 15-18, 2010

Includes Keynote Speaker CJ Powers sharing How the Media Messes with Marriage.

Click Here for more information.

Curiosity Battles Integrity in the Mind

I’ve often wondered how the other side of life works; contemplating what life would be like for me as a bad boy rather than a goodie-two-shoes. I’ve found myself thinking about being a sinner who sought redemption without a clue where to find it, versus being a sinner covered by unfettered grace.

This mystique of the mind wandering to places it shouldn’t go has placed me into positions where I had a choice between playing out a curiosity and living an integrated life. It didn’t take much effort to realize that the battle between curiosity and integrity takes place on the battlefield within my mind. It is therefore no surprise that Paul encourages us to renew our minds.

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2

It is all about patterns. What pattern will I live by in my life?

Integrity suggests a pattern with a firm adherence to a code of moral values, while curiosity walks away from the healthy pattern to explore the enticing unknown. The only thing keeping me in check from going astray is the choice residing within my mind.

I’m not too keen on the fact that the choice is solely mine and I alone determine if I sin or not, especially when I’m with a close friend who allows me to make my own decisions. I would prefer to put the blame on my friend in hopes of reducing the intense guilt or shame I feel from the actions marked by my bad choice.

Recently I had an opportunity to sin by exploring something I was tremendously curious about. I knew it was wrong because I could feel it in my soul and I found myself negotiating out loud about the activity in front of my friend. The good news is that my friend didn’t take away my responsibility by trying to convince me what the right decision looked liked. It was all up to me.

It would have been much easier had my friend tried to take on my responsibility in the matter, that way I could have blamed someone else regardless of my choice. I mean think about it, if I chose to sin and felt guilt, I could have blamed my friend for not doing a good enough job of keeping me from making a foolish mistake. And, if I made the right decision and had difficulty living with my uneasy feelings from unmet curiosity, I could have blamed my friend for making me feel bad since my flesh or carnal self would not have been satisfied.

Thankfully my friend left the choice in my mind where the decision needed to be made. Unfortunately, I chose to explore the point of curiosity and found myself burdened with guilt and shame. The positive side to the decision was my friend coming along side of me and reminding me that while my decision was not a good one, I was still a valuable person. My friend was wise to allow me to make my own decision and to stand by me regardless of the outcome, resulting in a deeper friendship.

Had the shoe been on the other foot, I probably would have subtly reminded my friend who he or she was in Christ in order to spark certain thoughts within the battlefield of the mind. In any case, the decision would still belong to my friend and I would stand by to celebrate a right choice or encourage him or her through the ramifications of a bad choice.

As for me, I realize how important it is for my soul to live a life of integrity, staying true to who I am. I have also found that filling my mind with God’s word helps me in the moment of decision when battles ensue within my mind. I will therefore heed Peter’s encouragement:

Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed. 1 Peter 1:13

And of course, I can’t forget our theme verse, which sets my mind on the right path of thinking:

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Philippians 4:8

Destined to Sin?

By Kevin M. Kraft

Several years ago, a Christian friend began to speak slanderous things about me. When I confronted him with every intention of salvaging our friendship, he dished out personal insults. He criticized me for refusing to “confess personal sins” during his weekly men’s Bible study and claimed I was arrogant.

A short time later, I walked into the middle of a conversation between two women at work discussing extramarital affairs. “Kevin,” one asked, “how many times have you gone out on your wife?” I was shocked by the presumptuous question of these believers. After recovering I said, “Never!” “Yeah, right,” the woman laughed, “I don’t believe that. Come on, everyone does it!” After repeating myself with a bit more ire, they continued their dialog. I’m certain they didn’t believe me.

Recently I heard a preacher share from the pulpit something like, “We’re all sinners. We were born into sin and we’ll continue to sin. But Jesus keeps forgiving us, amen?” I got chills... of horror, that is! Didn’t this minister just undermine the gospel message? And what of my friend and the two women, did they all think we are permanently destined to sin?

I find many who profess faith in Jesus Christ who do not believe the Bible states that His work freed us from sin. Not only the consequences of sin, but our sin nature, which causes us to sin.

No one is perfect, especially me. I make mistakes, errors in judgment, like everyone else. But does that presuppose I am guaranteed to sin after being saved? That sin will forever be my lot in life, an impedance to ever fully experiencing Christ? God forbid!

Christ, “who knew no sin,” is my example to live by. The same Spirit, which raised Christ from the dead, is alive in me, and among other things, enables me to live the life God demands of His children. My carnal nature, or the “old man” in me is “dead,” and I am a “new creation.” Sin is against my new nature and no longer has dominion over me. I am now “free in Christ” to choose not to sin.

I now love what God loves and hate what God hates, and want nothing to hinder that intimacy with Him, which is what we were all created for in the first place.

For nearly a decade now, I’ve lived in a way that seeks to omit sin. No matter how hard another woman comes on to me, my wife needn’t worry that I might share a bed with another. And while I was once a sinner, I have been utterly transformed to have the mind of Christ. I’m not arrogant, as my confidence is in Jesus Christ.

The result is a rich life, joyful and powerful in the Lord, with a peace surpassing mere human understanding.

Praying for Your Wife/Girlfriend

The question I receive most often from men is, “How do I pray for my wife without looking foolish?” It is a legitimate question as many men feel they aren’t “spiritual” enough to pray for their wife/girlfriend. It takes a true humble man to pray for someone he perceives is more spiritual than himself.

Eventually the humble man may learn through the process of prayer that his spirituality plays out in a more masculine way than hers. It will be different from her feminine approach to prayer, not better or worse. Many books suggest that men tend to avoid church and prayer because it has become too feminine and no longer is relevant to their masculine needs. Regardless of the disposition of a church, men are still responsible to pray for those in his care.

Timing of prayers is everything for many women. There are several verses (Romans 1:9, 1 Thessalonians 5:17, and 2 Timothy 1:3) that reflect an attitude of men praying without ceasing. This over arching attitude is one I recommend, but men also have to understand some specific times to pray.

I found that the best time to pray is when she expects it. I learned years ago throughout my marriage that my wife needed prayerful support during any of life’s milestones or key events. These milestones were typically played out in a practical or emotional way. While they are all based on her perceptions and needs, they can also be directly related to the children she birthed. The mother-child relationship is worthy of taking notice for timing hints to pray.

Years ago, it was important for my wife to hear me praying for the kids at bedtime, on their first day of school each year and before any event that made them nervous or excited. I also found myself praying for their hurting friends, crazy social life and other unique events they shared when letting me into their teenage world. Now that my kids are grown adults, I find myself praying for them without any request or event triggering the activity.

Single men praying for, and with, girlfriends are just as important. Since our spiritual lives focus first on God and His will, it would be beneficial for prayer to be a part of the relationship. If I’m not comfortable praying with a girlfriend or I’m afraid of being rejected by her because of prayer, it should be obvious that she isn’t the one for me.

What I practice with a girlfriend in the early days of our relationship will most likely continue throughout its life. This makes prayer one of the determining factors in how the relationship may or may not develop. I don’t want to find myself in a relationship where praying is not an intrinsic part of who we are together.

In both my married and single life, certain patterns evolved when we prayed together. My prayers tended to reflect what I heard her share that happened throughout the day, both feelings and circumstances. Praying about those things that were important to her helped further the relationship as I listened attentively and entered into her world. I’m not suggesting that my prayer was a paraphrase of everything I heard, but that I was sensitive to those key issues at the forefront of her heart. They were important to her and me.

I feel for the man who faces a wife that doesn’t open and share her heart as readily. Granted a woman’s open heart says more about a man’s approach than her willingness to share, but I know some women who assume their husbands just don’t care enough for her to take the risk of being vulnerable before him – Possibly the same vulnerability the man might feel when praying for his wife/girlfriend.

The women that allow their man to pray for them seem to desire two different kinds of prayer. They appreciate the soft sensitive prayer that touches on his and her weaknesses and the bold prayers that reveal his warrior passion for God’s work coming from the depths of his soul. I’ve been told that both thrill a woman’s soul more than a man can comprehend. I accept that as being true.

The most difficult time for many husbands to pray is when their wife shares a problem and isn’t in the mood to have him “fix” her. I learned during my marriage that those situations were the times I prayed for God to fill her with strength and the fruits of the Spirit, and for her to stand firm in her godly character. Many times I prayed that she would be able to discern the differences between her perspective, her enemy’s and God’s perspective.

I learned it wasn’t a time to pray for the answer to her problem, no matter how simple or obvious the solution seemed to be. I wanted to respect her thinking process, knowing that she would come to the best decision that she needed to make. It wasn’t always what I perceived to be the best decision, but it was always the one she needed to make based on who she was.

To make sure my prayers were a blessing and not filled with a hidden agenda, I found my prayers fitting into the following categories: praying for her relationships, strength, safety, godly character, godly perspective and her abilities or performance. I left her choices alone, as they were hers to make and not mine to meddle in.

The key to praying a sincere prayer that touches God’s ears and the soul of a wife/girlfriend, is to welcome the vulnerable feeling that accompanies the activity and speak honest words from the heart after listening carefully to whatever she shares. Over time I learned to trust that woman are able to tell if the prayerful words are meaningful and it doesn’t matter to them how rough or choppy the words are expressed.

I’m still trying to get through prayers without stumbling over my words and thoughts, but I can tell you the prayers I’ve uttered have been a blessing and more importantly, heard by God. As a result, I’m convinced that tonight is a good night for praying.

Half Full or Half Empty

The Lost Key Adventure

At the end of my 4-mile run last night, I reached into my pocket and found a hole instead of my house keys. I calmly determined if any door or windows were left unlock and when my daughter would return home. Back tracking the steps of my run seemed like the most practical thing to do, so I set out on an adventure.

During my first few steps I asked God to help me find my keys. I knew that re-walking the 4 miles was a little ridiculous and wondered if God would be interested enough to guide me to success. Suddenly another thought popped into my mind: what if someone found my keys, would God take me to the place where I lost it, even though the person with their own free will might have picked up the keys and walked away?

The mental gymnastics I played in my mind helped me realize that the experience was going to be a spiritual one. It would determine if my faith was strong enough to trust that God was interested in the little insignificant details of my life.

I came to a crossroads a block from my house where the path I ran intersected itself. It was a point of decision. I wondered if God wanted me to go right or left. Could I hear the soft-spoken voice of the Spirit guide me or not? The left side was the logical choice and my emotions were in agreement, yet I felt drawn to the right and started walking the path.

After a few steps of not knowing for sure if I was following the Spirit, I thought it would be more prudent to turn around and take the left path, so I did. Second-guessing myself was amusing and it made me feel like a little indecisive kid. To bring an end to my foolishness, I decided to trust in God’s sovereignty and continued down the left path, only to return back to the same intersection.

It was time to explore the right path and I wondered if I would eventually find my keys. After all, tracing back over 4 miles to find a small set of keys that could have bounced anywhere was not practical, but deep down inside I knew that God was going to help me.

After another mile of walking, I saw a group of kids headed toward me and the one called out, “Are you missing any keys?” A smile came upon my face and I reached out to receive the keys. It was a miracle and I desired to bless the boy. Pride swelled up in his heart as I thanked him for being a responsible and honest person. I could tell it was the only praise he had received in a long time and he soaked it in with a big smile on his face.

As I headed home with keys in hand, I realized that if I had taken the right-hand path from the start, I may have found my keys before the boy arrived. He would have missed out on being a blessing to me and receiving back a blessing for himself.

It turns out that I had heard the gentle voice of the Spirit earlier and taking the longer route didn’t hinder God’s plan. He was still able to lead me to my keys and in His providence put me in front of a boy who needed a blessing.

I didn’t have to struggle with hearing or not hearing God’s voice, as He had already planned for the moment. I could rest comfortably knowing that God would work everything out in my life for His glory, my good and the good of others he wanted to bless.

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28

Shared Experiences Heal

There is a genuine solace in the shared experiences of others.
~Lee Woodruff

I was devastated this week by news that turned my stomach into a spaghetti bowl of sorrow. It was similar in impact to when I received news about my father dieing in a plane crash or when my ex-wife asked for a divorce – events that brought forth uncontrollable tears in my life.

Accompanying each event were feelings of my heart being ripped to shreds and there was nothing I could do about it, save for one experience. This weak I responded differently and saw a faster healing process engaged into my life. Oh, I’m not through it yet, but I can already see signs of healing taking shape.

It took me about 6 years to get past my dad’s unexpected death, especially since the fire required a closed casket and we couldn’t really say goodbye. The divorce took me several years to recover from as well, but this time I can already sense my healing won’t take multiple years. The difference, I confided in a close trusted friend.

Lee Woodruff was right about finding solace in the shared experiences of others. Not only did I have the opportunity to share my deepest feelings with someone who could keep it confidential, but he also shared equally with me his related experiences, giving me hope in my emotional recovery.

I’m confident that the reason Woodruff got it right was due to his philosophy being based on a Kingdom principle.

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.
James 5:16

The intimacy shared with another man can go very deep when both are committed to keeping confidences for the other. I could find no deeper bond than the one between David and Jonathan in the scriptures. They shared the deepest of heartfelt secrets and were both blessed. The blessings were sufficient enough to cause David to bless Jonathan’s household to the next generation.

Finding a trusted friend, who is willing to listen and then share his heart equally, will take time. The blessings you receive from the friendship will be life changing and last for decades to come. Be of good courage my friends and find another man who you can share your deepest thoughts with and not feel any sense of rejection.

Man or Wimp?

According to society, during the 60s and 70s man’s level of macho-ness defined him. During the 80s and 90s, being in touch with ones “feminine side” defined manhood. At the turn of the century, man’s level of assertiveness versus aggressiveness defined him.

Throughout all decades, men weren’t really defined by the ebb and flow of society, but by their own actions.

Proactive people take the initiative and responsibility to make things happen. They cause action rather than being victims of circumstance.
~Chris MacAllister

After pondering the above, I realized that God is the only one qualified to define manhood, as there are proactive people who are good and bad.

One day on the radio, I heard Ron Hutchcraft define a man based on Psalm 16:32.

“Better a patient man than a warrior; a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city.” See, God says that a real man is a conqueror—he conquers himself…his temper, his passions, selfishness, his coldness, his dark side.

I can testify that conquering oneself is by far the greatest achievement a man can hold. That elusive decision to take control of oneself is the greatest challenge of all. The ability to be gentle (holding ones power under control) when it is appropriate can only be done by a real man.

When I was coaching little league football, I had the opportunity to chat with Mike Singletary (Current head coach for San Francisco 49ers). I asked him, knowing that he was a Christian, how he could pound the daylights out of people on the field as a middle linebacker for the Chicago Bears. He shared that when he was on the field, he had a job to do and he did it with passion and excellence (proven by his record), but when he left the field he was a man of God who chose gentleness above all else.

For a man, it is right to take control of your life and make sure it reflects the person you desire to be. As for me, I will serve the Lord.

Faithfully Defend the Truth

I was in a corporate meeting a while back and listened to a man lie through his teeth. He was in upper management and no one had the guts to call him on it. Within a few weeks, the lie was treated as fact and things within the business started to change for the worse.

The Edmund Burke adage was proven true, “All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.”

Unfortunately, I was one of the men doing nothing, but that was going to change. I dove into a plan to right the wrong that I witnessed, in hopes of restoring truth within the ranks. It didn’t take long for me to realize that if I wasn’t careful in how I exposed the lie, I could quickly become a thing of the past.

The sobering thought gripping my heart was how important it was to stand up for truth no matter what the cost. If nothing else, it would be easier than trying to make up for lost ground or cleaning up after corruption turns into a new standard of operation.

The issue led me to reflect on 3 John 1:3, “It gave me great joy to have some brothers come and tell about your faithfulness to the truth and how you continue to walk in the truth.” I wondered if someone would have spoken such positive praise of me had I gently corrected the executive with grace the moment it happened. Instead, I faced a series of painful days trying to correct what could have been avoided with a simple grace filled comment in the moment.

Today, I try to stand faithfully for truth.

Welcome

The Iron 8 are an elite, ironclad team who battles for the souls of men, each other and their families. They are proud men who choose to humble themselves in order to serve others. They make no beef about their rough edges, but support each other when one falls.

Together they stand, brought together by a lifelong resounding motto: As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.

This elite team has never lost a war, though many battles have been won and others lost. With each successful battle comes a victory worthy of praise and each loss brings about a silent victory of deep heartfelt growth. In all cases they stand together, as a standard for other men to witness and take strength.

Their power is substantial, yet they choose gentleness (power under control) in encouraging others. They freely admit their sins and failures and readily accept the forgiveness graciously given to them. It is with their marred lives, that they enter every battle with victory in their sights.

Their formations are strategic as they get on their knees to pray for family members, friends and their enemies. Their boldness is not hindered by the liberal feminine culture, but by choice they graciously empower the women around them with love and respect.

These are the men of the Iron 8, whose very human and sacrificial lives make a difference in our communities one person at a time. They are a remnant who stand to preserve eight precious treasures: The things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and praiseworthy.

Is it time for you to become a member of the Iron 8?