On most Wednesday nights I purchase dinner in our church cafeteria and join whatever table happens to have jovial people sitting around chewing the fat (Sorry, I couldn’t resist the pun). Last night’s thunderstorm thinned out the usual crowd and I found a room with men scattered about sitting at individual tables alone. It was one of those moments when a typical woman might feel bad for the men not having any friends.
However, having friends was not the issue, as I knew all of them. The key thought that popped into my mind was wondering if they were taking advantage of personal down time to unwind from a stressful day or if they just didn’t approach the other men and ask if they could join them.
I decided to ask the man sitting solo at the largest table if I could join him and he was welcoming. After taking a seat, I noticed another man sitting at the next table over and invited him to join us. Within a few seconds other men joined until the table was filled. Not counting the guys that stopped by and stood to chat with us throughout the meal, we had 6 guys seated around the table. The comradery was great and I learned a lot from the others.
Two men chatted about their love for food and a mouth-watering treat made from sliced sweet potatoes preheated in the microwave and seared on the grill with some brown sugar and butter. Another man shared about his success overcoming his past trials through a twelve-step program based on Christ’s beatitudes. Another was excited about having two tickets to the women’s golf event in Sugar Grove; he looked forward to watching the best USA female golfers play against the best European golfers in the Solheim Cup – patriotism at its best, drawing an international crowd of some 100,000 fans to the private course.
The conversations were great and I couldn’t help but notice that the man who kicked it all off did so with a short series of questions so he could quickly learn about the man he didn’t know. He asked about the man’s name, where he lived, his work, any travel experiences he had, his hobbies and he elaborated on the one key thing the other man was interested in talking about – his sweet potato recipe.
The series of questions worked so well that I’ll share the way I chose to remember it for the next cold conversation I find myself needing to warm up. For this to work, you’ll have to picture it in your mind’s eye. It goes something like this…
Picture a giant nameplate in front of your home or apartment. It is like the kind of nameplate you would see on an executive’s desk in an office. Your name is in white letters with a wood grain backing, set on a brass stand. It is prominently positioned directly in front of where you live.
Make sure you see the place where you live clearly set behind this giant nameplate. Picture it during your favorite time of the year. Notice the details that convince you it is indeed your place of residence.
Now glance upward to the area where the chimney is located and picture a surgeon’s glove stretched over the top of the chimney. The glove appears to be larger than normal, so you can clearly see that it is a stretchable latex glove.
Picture the glove starting to expand and contract. It is as if heat or smoke is coming out of the chimney and inflating it to a super size. It gets so big that it reaches out and grabs the tail of a small biplane that is flying overhead.
The glove grabs and holds tight causing the biplane engine to cough and sputter. It moves forward and seems to snap back because of the giant glove. The plane continues to fight for release, but finds its engine not big enough to break free.
The biplane’s propellers start to sputter and slow down. It suddenly speeds up again, only to stop abruptly and then restart. Each time the propellers hesitate you can see that they are made out of two tennis rackets. They spin again and then slow so you can see the netting of the rackets in clear detail.
In one of the racket’s netting is a pink light bulb that blinks. It seems to flicker and fade as the rackets spin and then disengage. The light bulb is a unique one, as it is 13½ watts. Suddenly the light gets bright enough that you think it will explode and you realize that you’ve memorized the six topics.
The nameplate reminds you how important the person’s name is. The home represents where he lives. The surgeon’s glove is a reminder to ask about his work. The plane grabbed by the glove helps you explore his work travel or any other kind of travel experiences he has had. The tennis racket propellers symbolize the various hobbies the person might have explored. And, the pink light bulb reminds you to chat about any key idea he may have brought up during your conversation.
By focusing on these six topics that most people are willing to discuss, you will find a depth of information that will make you proud to know them. And who knows, you may find yourself on a path to a new friendship.
During your exploration, please keep in mind that most people can tell if you are sincere and truly listening. Understanding what a person is trying to share takes practice, but its benefits are great, especially if you love the new grilled sweet potato recipe you gain.
No comments:
Post a Comment