Forgiveness Not Forget It

This past week I’ve had seven people ask me about forgiveness and how they are supposed to accomplish the impossible. They each shared the devastation a person brought into their lives and the painful suffering they endured. It was clear they all wanted to forgive because God said to do it, but none had a clue how to get past the evil that set everything in motion. They weren’t about to let evil off the hook, but they thought they needed to let the person off the hook because they didn’t understand forgiveness.

I appreciated their sense of duty to Christ and the reminder that the Lord’s Prayer states, “forgive us, as we forgive others.” But frankly, I find most people struggling to forgive just because we are supposed to. It’s been my understanding that we don’t typically forgive until we get to the place where we are ready to heal. In other words, the act of forgiveness is more about us than the culprit behind our pain.

I recently had a chat with a man who owes me $15,000. It was an interesting conversation, as he spent the bulk of the phone conversation sharing his “woe is me” story. While I could show empathy for his circumstances, I couldn’t excuse the fact that he still owes me $15,000. In fact, I don’t have to forget it, but I do have to forgive him for making a bad decision in not paying me what I rightfully earned.

However, hearing his story did help me in the process of forgiveness, as the first step is rediscovering the fallible humanity of the man who wronged me. I couldn’t help but recognize that his bad choices came during bad circumstances he brought upon himself from other bad choices – Something I could relate to.

The next logical step was letting the person off the hook, which I realized wasn’t necessary. I was only responsible to God for surrendering my right to get even. God didn’t want me to let the man off the hook, but rather to transfer the responsibility to God – My defender.

In other words, the man still owes me the $15,000 and something more according to the Bible’s viewpoint on restitution, but instead of me being the one concerned about collecting, it is now up to God to deal with the man. And, I know that God will deal with him in a loving way that re-establishes their relationship. Prior to me giving it all to God, I held the responsibility and the pain. Now, it’s Gods responsibility and I know He is far more proactive in getting results than I am.

With the pain and burden lifted from my shoulders, I am free to take the third step of wishing the man well, which I have done. This doesn’t mean that I forget the past. I will remember not to trust his business dealings until he proves that he has changed. Not only will I wish him well, I’m sure I’ll sit down and have coffee with him at the next convention we both attend. However, forgiveness doesn’t require me to rebuild a relationship with someone I can no longer trust.

Forgiving the man lifts my burdens and frees me to move on in life. Not forgetting the situation empowers me to not be taken advantage of and helps me to make better business decisions about who I work with in the future. It’s also a powerful tool that puts the guilty into the hands of the Lord who is capable of encouraging him to change.

In closing, I’d like to quote my friend Wanda who says, “The most creative power given to the human spirit is the power to heal the wounds of a past it cannot change.” Following the three steps of forgiveness is the tool that harnesses the creative power that will heal us and you can be assured that the first person to benefit from forgiveness is the one who gives it. I can’t begin to tell you the relief I have since I gave the situation to God and forgave the man.