Extended Grace

I recently bumped into a man, who I’ll call Fred, who wanted to collect what his friends owed him. He was tired of tracking the loans, as it was a significant amount of money due to the effects of the economy. He started with his friends who owed him the biggest amounts of money. One friend, who I’ll call Tom, owed him $6,000 that he used to pay off his credit card to alleviate the high monthly interest rate.

As you might suspect, Tom was not in a position to pay off the loan and was hoping to make small monthly payments for years to come. However, Fred pressured him to have a garage sale and he collected $900 from it. Since this was a small amount of what Tom still owed and money was now tighter than ever, Tom begged Fred for mercy.

Fred surprised the daylights out of Tom by canceling his debt. They were even. Tom was extremely excited about the turn of events. His emotional and mental strength quickly rebounded from the depression he faced. With his new outlook in life, Tom went to one of his friends who I’ll call Beth, and immediately demanded that she pay him the $100 she had borrowed.

When Beth wasn’t able to pay him, he took her High Definition television set as collateral and told Beth he’d bring it back once she paid the $100 debt. Fred told me how shocked he was when word got back to him. He immediately ended his friendship with Tom, especially since Tom wasn’t the man he thought he was. Tom got laid off three months later and found no one willing to help him out financially. In fact, Fred said that no one was around to console him or give him food.

I shared the parable of the forgiven debt with Fred and asked him why he didn’t help Tom once he was down. Fred told me that he was too insulted and couldn’t trust Tom’s sincerity or humility, especially since he was unable to pass on the same grace he had received.

I asked Fred if anyone had paid a debt for him and if he in turn might want to reconsider helping Tom. Fred proudly shared that he never needed help financially. So, I asked him if he ever needed help spiritually, emotionally or mentally. To which he replied, “Grace isn’t grace, unless it is freely given.” While I agreed with the boundaries that Fred put in his life so Tom wouldn’t continue to siphon off his funds, I couldn’t help but wonder if there was still something that could be done for Tom.

It later dawned on me that God gives all of us a chance to receive His grace and the day will come when the gift will no longer be available to those not wanting it. Tom clearly didn’t understand the friendship he had with Fred, nor did he understand the generosity of his gift. So, eventually Fred stopped extending his generosity to the man who never appreciated it.

Do you appreciate what God, your friends and family extended toward you?

Appreciation Shown through Extraordinary Effort

Hallmark had one of the busiest days of the year yesterday – Mother’s Day. Many women were glad their husbands, boyfriends and sons celebrated who they were with cards and flowers, but some were disappointed to learn the card and gifts were picked up that same day. They were disappointed that their men didn’t shop the day before or even Friday night.

Women barely care about the gift and card itself, unless the card took more than a few minutes to pick out – Always appreciating the found card that perfectly matches the woman’s heart and personality. Woman are more interested in knowing that they were well thought of and that time was spent searching for something special as the man repeatedly paid attention to who she was.

A friend of mine once told me why she slaved over making fancy h’orderves for tea parties. She said that it was a gift of love that other women could truly appreciate. It was an act of kindness that showed respect, care and love.

I explored this level of appreciation in hopes of learning how women think. I developed h’orderves that looked like an army of cute little penguins. Every time I made the cute little guys, I’d receive compliments galore, but not for the reason I thought.

The penguins always had admirers, but it wasn’t until one woman confided in me that I learned the truth. She told me that while the penguins were precious, the thing that made it special was the vast amount of time it took me to prepare the treat. I questioned what she said, so she asked how long it took me to make. Not knowing what she was getting at, I told her about 90 minutes. Her face lit up with a huge smile and said, “See.” To which I replied, “What?”

She said that the penguins looked like I spent a lot of time to create the dish and shared that the act of love and kindness is what thrilled the women eating the tasty morsels. In other words, the action I took made the h’orderves taste great – It wasn’t the cuteness of the little guys or their flavor. In fact, those who hated cream cheese, which made the white belly, ate the entire guy with a smile on their face.

Women appreciate all the struggles and activities a man goes through in order to make them feel special. They adore the men who take things to a deeper level and search for just the right gift that speaks volumes of the one they love. Unfortunately, society has taught men to not be considerate in the area of emotional expression or sentiment.

Our society teaches us to streamline our lives for convenience, avoiding anything that takes a hearty effort to accomplish. Even the trades and corporate world praises the man who can make quick decisions that seem to work, over the man who takes incredibly long amounts of time to perfectly compose an answer that is heartfelt and accurate. Society is all about getting things 80% right and not worrying about the last 20%.

However, women are all about the last 20% and love it when a man pays detailed attention to her. They are well aware how difficult the task is and how much energy is exhausted. Yet, most men continue to find the quick fix that gets it mostly right, not understanding that the activity of overcoming the challenge and the deep focus on her is what blesses the woman.

I’m reminded of Isaiah 55:2 which reminds us that we can have the same deep intimate relationship with God that King David had, as long as we focus on the right things, not the convenient or common.

Why spend money on what is not bread,

and your labor on what does not satisfy?

Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,

and your soul will delight in the richest of fare.

Isaiah 55:2 (NIV)

Do you know God enough to spend detailed time preparing your acts of worship for Him?

Are you taking the same time to prepare and take care of those intimate details for the women in your life?

It’s all about relationship, not functionality being quickly squeezed into your life for those who are present. As men, we need to block out time in our schedules to write little notes, make quiet phone calls or create unique thoughtful gifts for those women in our lives we appreciate. We need to speed the time and money on the things that are temporal for the sake of showing her how special she truly is.

One man told me he gives his wife a pot of flowers every so often because he sees no sense in cutting and killing red roses that will wither in a few days. She on the other hand told me how little she is loved because she was only valued at the level of a common household plant and longed to find a man who would cherish her enough to give her roses.

I’m definitely a rose kind of guy. But, even I, being known for my creativity, will have to step up someday for a special woman who’ll expect me to stretch who I am in demonstrating my appreciation for her. On that day, I’ll give her a very rare, seed grown blue rose.

Simple Truth in Modern Language

The Character of Forgiveness

The strength of character it takes to say and do the right thing when found in the wrong position in life is remarkable. Being able to respond out of love while being abused, rather than out of hate, demonstrates a character so rich at the person’s core that everyone can see who he truly is.

Jesus was a man of such character. His first words after being abused and hung on a cross demonstrated his heart of compassion, not hate or judgment. His words revealed what was at the core of his spirit – Forgiveness.

“Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do.” Luke 23:34

It isn’t surprising that our heavenly Father, through Jesus, would demonstrate what resided within the core of his heart for us. Nor is it surprising that God would demonstrate it, rather than just tell us about it. After all, he is passionate about his relationship with us, which we can understand since we too take action for those who are important to us.

During this economic down turn I’ve had the opportunity to see what resided within the core of my heart. The verbal and emotional abuse I’ve received from do-gooders and those who felt superior to me was startling. It brought me to a point of decision where I could curse them or forgive them because they didn’t have a clue that their actions and comments were abusive.

I found it intriguing that the abuser was blind to certain realities and made poor decisions, while I could clearly see the abuse and held the knowledge that could help the person correct it. However, the abuser was in no position to hear any form of correction and I seemed to be in a position that required me to accept the abuse in order to receive the help.

While my position in life was degrading, I felt more sorry for the “Christian abuser” because he didn’t have a clue in how he was coming across. He was being a poor witness for Christ, while thinking hew was honoring him by “helping” me. It was a sad demonstration that made me understand why so many walk away from accepting God’s love from “Christians”.

In all its non-denominational contemporary glory, the church seems to have forgotten its sole purpose is the equipping of the saints for ministry. The church’s job is to demonstrate and train its people in how to minister to the poor, orphans and widows. And, train them in how to forgive, as we take the bumpy road together in trying to figure it all out.

My hands were being filled with food after being rejected and disrespected. The person was smiling at me and feeling really great about having helped me. With all the irony surrounding me, all I could do was think about Jesus and what he endured on the cross.

There he was hanging on a cross, forgiving his persecutors, after taking an incredible dose of whipping, ridicule, humiliation, and taunting – Not to mention spikes through his hands and feet. In that moment, Jesus demonstrated how to forgive and why to forgive.

The type of forgiveness Jesus demonstrated is a selfless act given verbally. It is not given in a halfhearted way, nor does it get couched or cloaked in a side comment. It is bold and healthy. It requires an act of the will; letting go of the right that we hold of seeing to someone’s judgment. Forgiveness becomes a plea to God on behalf of our accuser for them to not receive God’s righteous judgment due to their ignorance.

The great news is that forgiveness is powerful.  In the book of John we are told that our heavenly Father follows our demonstration of forgiveness, just as he did for Jesus. In other words, he chooses to forgive those who we forgive.

“If you forgive anyone his sins, they are forgiven; if you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven.” John 20:23

While this might cause some to feel powerful to the point of desiring to “lord it over” their peers, it is actually humbling when you hold the perspective that our guilty actions require forgiveness from someone else. All the more eye opening is Jesus’ instruction to his disciples about how to pray and the revelation that our heavenly Father responds accordingly.

For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:14-15

I received the food with a thankful heart and asked God to forgive my benefactor for disrespecting me out of ignorance. I also prayed that our church would start training our congregation in how to share compassionate help that is not ignorantly disrespectful.

Respect is an important factor in outreach. Just because someone is going through a difficult economic time, does not mean his innate personal value has slid down with the economy. By demonstrating respect in the process of helping others, they are more likely to see Christ in us.

Besides, I’ve found that the poor many times holds a better perspective on what is important in life than the wealthy. Their insights are to be treasured over the blinded perspective that often accompanies wealth. There is a unique equality that happens when the wealthy share what they have and the poor does likewise. It helps us to obtain a balance between wisdom and our food, shelter and clothing.

Together we see the big picture and understand why Jesus, in the middle of his suffering, forgave those who persecuted him. It was a demonstration of what he held for us deep within his soul. As with all dying men, the heart reveals what’s in a man’s core during his last hour. 

Judged and Disrespected by Unspoken Expectations

There are two unmerited types of disrespect I've received lately. One typically comes from a woman who determines whether or not she will give respect based on a person's actions versus who he is, and the other comes from a man who feels inferior and attempts to knock the other guy down so he feels better about himself.

Both choices were promoted in media for the past few decades and seem to be embraced by the general public, and both can be delivered by either gender. Thankfully times have changed and many are trying to understand how to live with more healthy choices. However, after talking with several women about their penchant for withholding respect due to a single issue or a series of small issues, I've realized that there are times when I just need to walk away.

One woman, I'll call her Beth, gave me the cold shoulder numerous weeks in a row and spoke poorly about me to others. When I final convinced her to spend a few minutes with me to resolve our differences, I learned that Beth had an expectation of me that was impossible to achieve.

Beth's expectation was simple, she hoped I would arrive to an event on time and found she connected with a less promising man since I didn't enter within the first ten minutes. She held against me her choice of not waiting and held disrespect for me because of my tardiness - An expectation that I never agreed to. In fact, I didn't even know of her interest to connect with me.

It didn't matter to Beth that I'm early 98% of the time, what mattered was me not being there to stop her from picking a man she had no interest in - Not my problem. It took her weeks to be able to show me respect again and she never asked what crisis had detained me. Her perceptive was solely focused on her. And, since she judged me on expectations I never agreed to, I found it prudent to walk away from the friendship.

I make it a practice to participate in small, fellowship and men's groups. The relationships built in these environments are usually more heartfelt than in larger venues. It becomes a place of developing life long friendships with those who desire the same. Unfortunately, sometimes a person that doesn't like me is added to the mix and I receive large doses of disrespect.

One such man, I'll call him Tom, didn't like me in the least. During several conversations with him, he pointed out that I was doing nothing wrong. He didn't even realize when he would cut me down or show me disrespect, even when those around saw it clearly. Tom would share his heart and "true" intent with me often and by the next day showed me more and more disrespect.

One day Tom revealed his sincere heart and asked me to help him understand the exact moment he disrespected me. He wanted me to signal him the second it happened so he could start catching himself doing it. After too many signals in a row, he decided I was just trying to bust his chops because he "couldn't be disrespecting me that often." He became angrier at every signal, so I stopped. And yes, people came up to me asking why Tom was attacking me and what our problem was about.

The next time the group met, Tom was watching my every move looking to find fault with me. The moment he could justify any possibility of a fault, he pounced on me and attempted to make a spectacle of me in front of others. Again, people came up to me afterwards and asked what was going on with Tom and why he was being so mean.

I eventually learned that Tom had some unspoken expectations of me that I couldn't fulfill because I didn't know what he expected, nor did I agree to it. Regardless, he judged me to be guilty of not being a nice man because I didn't live up to his unrealistic expectations. To this day Tom still holds anger in his heart because I couldn't read his mind, which tipped me off to just walk away from the relationship.

Walking away from two friends who demonstrated disrespect toward me based on their unspoken expectations was a healthy choice. I've never been able to read minds and I don't like being with people who don't understand who I am. Besides, I've learned that most people who disrespect me do so out of judgment for not living up to their unspoken expectations.

No one is required to figure out what unspoken expectations they might be under. It is the duty of the person creating the expectation to reveal it to the one it is about. And, if they don't, they should understand the expectation would likely go unmet. If, however, the person shares their expectation, a healthy discussion would follow and determine if an attempt to achieve it would be promised or not.

The simple adult-to-adult conversation would create a new level of respect for both involved. Together, they would find a compromise worth supporting for the sake of both individual's needs and abilities. It would even increase the respect levels to the point where failure would not instantly create an atmosphere of disrespect. In other words, the relationship would overcome any temporary failures.

But, if the person creating unspoken expectations is not mature and permeates disrespect based on actions rather than the other's innate values, I recommend walking from the relationship to protect your own heart, perspective and ideals. After all, no one deserves to be disrespected, especially for something they are not aware of.

Focusing on the Unemployed

Yesterday at lunch I had the privilege of chatting with several people that experienced unemployment at some time over the past two years. They were all humble and very concerned. Their mutual concern was not for themselves, but for the members of our church. Not too long ago our church raised some $90K for Haiti during a time when our own people were going without food, clothing and shelter.

Before I go on, I need to clarify that our church has a food pantry, clothes closet and helps find people places to stay when needed. However, the programs are not visible to most of the church, nor do most of those attending have any clue that we have desperate and hurting people sitting next to them on a Sunday morning.

The conversation was more about our church's approach. We have always been a mission's minded church, which is a good thing, but we've fallen short many times in helping each person understand how he or she can minister directly to each other. Again, our church has no problem bringing in their nice clothes, computers, and food to share as a group, but few understand how to minister one-on-one.

I listened to a man the other day share how he couldn't make ends meet and the well meaning listener responded, "Yeah, you along with everyone else." The man was cut to the quick. He was labeled as one of many carrying the stigma of unemployment written across his forehead. He felt insignificant and disrespected.

I know what it's like to be a nobody; always the last person picked for a team. I grew up in the school system that allowed kids to point out how fat I was on a daily basis. I was ridiculed and the recipient of many jokes. Even the clothing industry took shots at me with large labels on my slacks that read "Husky" while the other kid's labels read "Slim".

Being invisible to those most important to me was even more devastating, until I learned how God viewed me. Several months later, after basking in God's perspective of me, I found myself fitting into "Slim" slacks. It was a remarkable time for me. I found someone who cared enough to help me understand I was not a label, but a unique individual.

Everything in life started to turn around. I became successful at the many things that I put my hands to do. My focus shifted to others and I saw my life improve all the more. I started to understand people and why the hurting hurt others. I realized that no matter how much I love big churches and all of their wonderful programs for the masses, it is a waste if the church doesn't focus on each individual.

No unemployed person deserves to be treated with disrespect. They are a child of the king or kings. And everyone in church deserves to learn how to minister directly to the unemployed in a way that encourages and blesses them. Unfortunately, I don't see anyone teaching others how to do it.

One woman at our table summarized the discussion and suggested that she knows the hearts of our pastors and thinks they would do everything in their power to help the unemployed, but she felt they just don't have the tools to do it. She reiterated that they were doing everything they knew how to do.

My suggestion, although a little unorthodox, is to invite an unemployed person to preach about tithing. Make sure the person can hear from God and is a great speaker, but then open the podium for a time of deep heartfelt truth about tithing and what God can do with it.

The person ministering to the congregation could also share true-life accounts of what works and doesn't work when a person finds him or herself speaking one-on-one with an unemployed person. Can you imagine the startling revelation that would come upon the congregation?

Think about it. Most of the time we hear a well-dressed professional and successful person share about tithing. We feel that they are a little out of touch with reality, so we don't take their message to heart. Combined with the state of the economy, we find less people tithing than ever before.

Now, place a dynamic person who has intrinsic value from God onto the platform and let them talk about their recent financial demise, and you'll have people hanging onto his every word. Hearts will be stirred and giving will be up. The key is to funnel some of the extra monies into training church members on how to minister and help the unemployed on a one-on-one basis.

Everyone wants to see directly related results from their giving in this day and age. They want to know that their donation made a difference. They want to hear the pastor read a thank you note from a few unemployed who got back on their feet as a result of one-on-one generosity. They want to know they made a difference.

If you're interested in having an unemployed person speak on tithing at your church, I have just the person in mind. Otherwise, pray that your church focuses on some specific individuals to help them get back on their feet. And who knows, maybe the next person helped will find a six-figure salary and choose to tithe regularly, facilitating more one-on-one ministry to the hurting.

Bringing Hope by Battling Complacency

I got together with a group of eight guys last night to chat about life. We all come from different backgrounds, making the experience rich and worthy to be treasured. The conversation was heartfelt and very real, unlike the perceptions that men can’t go deep.

The topics of most interest, seemed to surround success and complacency. Most found that the more successful the man, the more complacent he becomes. And, the more complacent he becomes, the more the family unit deteriorates. However, we found one exception that thwarts the downward spiral.

If a man’s success is not based on the monetary standards of our society, but rather on spiritual activism that reaches out to others regularly, complacency is broken and the family is strengthened. Plus, those around watching or being affected by the ripple effect find strength and comfort from the exercise – leading them to let go of complacency.

I couldn’t help but realize that when I’m exhausted in attempting to overcome a negative battle, that is the exact time others are watching with hope for their own future. They just want to know that it can be done. They desire to understand that effort can be effective when there seems to be little hope. In fact, the moment someone steps out of their own pain long enough to help others, hope is dispatched to all in need and to those watching.

The next time I find myself tired and not wanting to fight the same unending battle, I will remember that someone is watching and hoping I persevere and turn the tables of complacency into activism for the sake of others gaining hope. I shall be a standard for those who need to gain strength during times of unrest. I shall stand firm in what is right until those attacking out of selfish ambition give way to those who serve for the sake of others. And, should I fall in exhaustion, I shall count on my friends to life me up so I can continue where I left off.

Will you be a standard for someone today and bring hope into their lives?

Living Life in the Zone by Dr. Joe Pettigrew

Author Dr. Joe Pettigrew, suggests that men who live life in the zone, find power, grace, strength and fearlessness. His book, Living Life in the Zone is written with the sports enthusiast in mind. Each of the 40 daily chapters includes a thought of the day, life coaching section and a game plan to implement the lesson into the reader’s life.

My favorite section is the Playmakers, where life experiences from various athletes are shared in relationship to the key idea. Several of the stories make the book well worth reading and helps bring the Bible’s application into focus. The book also has a Time Out section to reflect on the key ideas and how it pertains to the reader’s life.

Like any devotional, this book offers great rewards to the reader who takes the time to diligently work through the Today’s Assignment section, allowing him to solidify the message in a practical way within his own life. Over all, this practical book for the sports minded scores big with life application.

I received this book free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Forgiveness Not Forget It

This past week I’ve had seven people ask me about forgiveness and how they are supposed to accomplish the impossible. They each shared the devastation a person brought into their lives and the painful suffering they endured. It was clear they all wanted to forgive because God said to do it, but none had a clue how to get past the evil that set everything in motion. They weren’t about to let evil off the hook, but they thought they needed to let the person off the hook because they didn’t understand forgiveness.

I appreciated their sense of duty to Christ and the reminder that the Lord’s Prayer states, “forgive us, as we forgive others.” But frankly, I find most people struggling to forgive just because we are supposed to. It’s been my understanding that we don’t typically forgive until we get to the place where we are ready to heal. In other words, the act of forgiveness is more about us than the culprit behind our pain.

I recently had a chat with a man who owes me $15,000. It was an interesting conversation, as he spent the bulk of the phone conversation sharing his “woe is me” story. While I could show empathy for his circumstances, I couldn’t excuse the fact that he still owes me $15,000. In fact, I don’t have to forget it, but I do have to forgive him for making a bad decision in not paying me what I rightfully earned.

However, hearing his story did help me in the process of forgiveness, as the first step is rediscovering the fallible humanity of the man who wronged me. I couldn’t help but recognize that his bad choices came during bad circumstances he brought upon himself from other bad choices – Something I could relate to.

The next logical step was letting the person off the hook, which I realized wasn’t necessary. I was only responsible to God for surrendering my right to get even. God didn’t want me to let the man off the hook, but rather to transfer the responsibility to God – My defender.

In other words, the man still owes me the $15,000 and something more according to the Bible’s viewpoint on restitution, but instead of me being the one concerned about collecting, it is now up to God to deal with the man. And, I know that God will deal with him in a loving way that re-establishes their relationship. Prior to me giving it all to God, I held the responsibility and the pain. Now, it’s Gods responsibility and I know He is far more proactive in getting results than I am.

With the pain and burden lifted from my shoulders, I am free to take the third step of wishing the man well, which I have done. This doesn’t mean that I forget the past. I will remember not to trust his business dealings until he proves that he has changed. Not only will I wish him well, I’m sure I’ll sit down and have coffee with him at the next convention we both attend. However, forgiveness doesn’t require me to rebuild a relationship with someone I can no longer trust.

Forgiving the man lifts my burdens and frees me to move on in life. Not forgetting the situation empowers me to not be taken advantage of and helps me to make better business decisions about who I work with in the future. It’s also a powerful tool that puts the guilty into the hands of the Lord who is capable of encouraging him to change.

In closing, I’d like to quote my friend Wanda who says, “The most creative power given to the human spirit is the power to heal the wounds of a past it cannot change.” Following the three steps of forgiveness is the tool that harnesses the creative power that will heal us and you can be assured that the first person to benefit from forgiveness is the one who gives it. I can’t begin to tell you the relief I have since I gave the situation to God and forgave the man.

Polished Shoes

Years ago I watched a friend polish shoes. He prayed over each one as he polished it to shine like a new pair. He picked up one shoe and vigorously brushed the dirt off of it, while he prayed for God to forgive its owner of the sins he had committed. When he applied the polish, his prayers reflected the thankfulness of the shoe’s owner being clothed in righteousness through Jesus’ death and resurrection. When he buffed in the brilliant shine, he prayed that the shoe’s owner would let his life shine before men and draw them to Christ.

My friend clearly desired to see the owner’s life count for something more than the average person. He desired to see the man’s life filled with such joy that it spilled over into the lives of everyone he met. My friend desired to see a miracle as he polished each shoe and he was adamant about it happening.

His enthusiasm was contagious and I wanted to help him polish the remaining shoes. He had gathered five pairs and blessed each owner through his prayers. I figured that I could help with at least one pair, but my friend would not allow me to participate. Oh, he wasn’t being selfish, but rather instructive. He wanted me to watch closely everything he did and the motivation behind it all. He wanted me to watch a miracle unfold before my eyes.

I have to admit that I didn’t understand what the miracle would be. Certainly I understood his good intensions and appreciated his kind act of service for the family he was helping, but I couldn’t grasp the seeds being planted that would grow into a miracle. So, I sat and observed the best I could.

When the last shoe was completed, my friend told me he had to deliver them back to the house. After seeing the curious look on my face, he explained that a family in town lost their father in an accident and he had polished their shoes for them. My only response was, “what?”

My friend told me that when someone dies in a family, no one has the energy or the forethought to polish their shoes for the funeral, yet each person during the funeral finds themselves in the middle of it, wanting to be their best for their loved one. Depression hits some as they realize their shortfalls, but those who are wearing my friend’s polished works of art, feel nothing but love during one of the most painful time of their lives.

Two days later, I stood with my friend at the wake and listened to many share their condolences with the family. Each one offered to help in anyway they could, all it took was for the family to let them know what they would like done. The family graciously accepted the sentiment and returned a warm smile. Nothing further transpired.

When my friend and I made it through the receiving line, he was greeted with a warm hug like no other. The wife of the deceased shared that she still didn’t quite understand her husband’s relationship to my friend, but she was glad he was there for support. Her son quickly spoke up and asked if my friend would join him for coffee the next day, so he could learn more about the kind of servant leadership his father had tried to teach him about.

Two weeks after the funeral, I bumped into the woman and asked how things were going. She told me that the cards and flowers had all since faded and the family was alone to fend for themselves, with one exception. She told me how everyone paid her lip service about their willingness to help, but only my friend acted in love.

She shared about the day my friend showed up at her home. He politely asked for all the black dress shoes in the house and told her they would be returned polished the next morning. She was perplexed by the gesture, but wasn’t in the frame of mind to argue or negotiate. She just gave him the shoes.

A couple days later, when the reality of the funeral was upon them, the minister asked if they were prepared or had time to polish their shoes. The woman’s eyes moistened as she told the minister that the entire family’s shoes were polished like new. That night they were all able to focus on those coming through the receiving line at the wake without giving any thought to their attire.

She wasn’t sure how many dozens of people came through the line, but she did remember the one person who served them in love. She also told me that she now understood why faith without works is dead. She exclaimed as she got into her car, “Talk is cheap, but love in action penetrates any heart, no matter how trivial or relevant the humble service might seem.”

I had witnessed a miracle. I saw a young man desire to follow Christ. I saw a widow empowered to love others because she could now pass on what she had received. I also saw my heart change, as I realized that platitudes are shallow and loving actions are deeply endearing and life changing.

I headed home to see if I had any polish in my shoeshine kit.

Prayer, Fasting and Broken Resolutions

New Year’s Day is one of my favorite holidays because it gives me an opportunity to take a quick glance into people’s lives and find out what makes them tick. Few men start off the New Year with prayer and fasting, most find themselves positioned to break another year of resolutions. There are even a group of guys that refuse to make resolutions to avoid the heartache of breaking it.

I’ve always wondered what thoughts transpired in the minds of each of these men as they chose their direction for the year. Do those deciding not to make a resolution, so they can’t break it, realize that they are making a choice to be passive at the beginning of the year? Figuratively speaking, whether it is Aristotelian physics at play or Newton’s theory of motion, we all know that it’s very hard for a passive man to become active.

Once a man gives up the reins of his life to chance or the whim of others, he pretty much sentences himself to despair. That is unless he is willing at some point to apply a tremendous amount of effort to turn the table on his decision. It actually takes less energy to paint a vision and work toward it from the beginning.

Then there are the men who decide to be proactive in their new 2010 life. They set several goals and end up in one of two categories. The one group being those who set unrealistic expectations that will disappoint themselves because they never really considered their heart – Most trying to fulfill other people’s goals rather than their own.

The second group is made up of those who set somewhat lofty goals, trusting that something will change in order to help them achieve it. These are the guys who talk about shooting for the moon so they at least make it over the fence. I never could relate to that one. However, there is a song I like that talks about having a dream big enough to fail unless God is in it.

Chasing after God in the first part of the year is indeed a great idea. Getting his perspective on our lives and bringing focus to what he wants us to accomplish makes sense. After all, he is the only one who knows how the year will play out. The irony of prayer and fasting at the beginning of the year is that it puts most men out of their comfort zone.

Certainly we all need to stretch our comfort zone from time to time. But introducing a new activity or set of unknowns into the mix may only make goal setting more difficult. However, the positive thing about kicking off the New Year with prayer and fasting is its spiritual context of bringing the body back into discipline after some have acted like a lazy glutton or couch potato during the holidays.

I’m all for prayer and fasting during the first two weeks of the New Year followed by two weeks of my new normal activities to re-establish my comfort zones. Then by the first of February, I’m ready to plan out the next eleven months of goals and activities based on a healthy perspective.

Some have suggested to me that I prepare my goals before the New Year and then enter into prayer and fasting for confirmation. I choose to seek God’s perspective up front and try to get myself inline with him, rather than asking him to bless my choices. Granted, I have to deal with several who will pester me about my resolutions because they feel it needs to be made in January, but I don’t let it get to me. Besides, I’ve learned that ramping up to my goals allows me to achieve far more of them than the man who demands the resolutions are determined before the year opens.

I’ve also learned that by the time I’m working my plan, most men have given up on theirs. They have endured the pressure of negative comments regarding their faults and previous failures, while I’m quietly ramping up unnoticed. Six months down the road, many men are working hard to turn the tables and get life back on track, while I’m halfway through my plan, minus a few bumps along the way.

I’m convinced that there is a lot to be said for avoiding the hype of a resolution and just setting your feet to a path you take one step at a time. I learned back at age twelve that life will turn sour and those who keep taking one step at a time will end up on the other side of their problems. Oh, it isn’t quick or fun, but you do arrive.

So, if you are interested in my resolutions for 2010, feel free to ask me sometime around Valentine’s Day. Not only will I have the answer for you, but I’ll already be working it. Happy New Year!

Escape From Sciatica

By Kevin M. Kraft

“You know, Lord,” I said during a casual chat with God. “I really hope I don’t develop some chronic physical condition that leaves me in constant pain or inhibits my ability to move freely.”

The next day I pulled a muscle in my hip, or so I thought. I was exercising as usual, performing leg lifts, a holdout exercise from my high school football days – great for developing strong abdominal muscles – when I felt the pull. I thought no problem, as I had felt similar things before. Eventually it’ll go away and I’ll be as good as new.

But it didn’t go away. In fact, treating it like a minor muscle pull exacerbated it.

One day when I got up, I suddenly found myself on the floor bracing against walls and gripped in the absolute worst pain I could have ever imagined possible. I had developed a severe case of sciatica: inflammation of the sciatic nerve. In my case, a bulging vertebrae clamping down on the nerve and debilitating the lower left side of my body from my hip down through my feet caused it.

The pain at its worst was like lightning blasting through my leg, only slightly less severe – no, that wasn’t true, it was just different – It felt more like my left foot was immersed in lava. My body bent over and twisted, as it compensated for the injury. I, a physically fit man in my forties, became debilitated. Welcome to Sciatica.

My first reaction, other than “AUGH!” was not to rally against God or curse Him for allowing this challenge in my life. Nor did I simply wait for God to reveal some big truth to me during this dark journey. In the midst of my Sciatica affliction, I was interested in what God wanted me to learn, do or discern.

When the worst of the initial pain subsided, I found myself disabled. I was unable to sit, stand or lie down (even to sleep) for extended periods of time. I was hard-pressed to find any relief. During my stay at home on medical leave I found myself useless, sleepless and lame. The simplest tasks were impossible for me.

During my recovery I saw firsthand what my wife, a stay-at-home mom, did to manage our home and four children. Adding to her numerous tasks, was carting me to medical professionals, setting appointments and securing the many pharmaceuticals prescribed for my recovery.

She also looked after my personal care, assisted me in exercising what muscles I could to prevent atrophy and she never once uttered a complaint. I was amazed. I couldn’t have done what she did. With all the added responsibilities, the tiring and stressful workload, she somehow managed it all faithfully with pure devotion and love.

Her life inspired me.

And, she inspired my kids as well. Each of my four kids took up the slack, doing more than what was required of them, especially my two eldest. I was proud of them all!

I was humbled by their service of love.

In fact, during my recovery I was humbled many times as I fought to bring my rebellious body back under my command. Whereas, I never doubted my ability to take care of myself, I now felt vulnerable, off-balanced and unsafe. It was hard to have always been in top shape and suddenly find myself in a body like that of an old man. I had to trust in God, my wife and the kids.

In all her wisdom, my wife reminded me during the slow and agonizing journey back from Sciatica that my strength and safety comes from the Lord alone.

As I write this, four months after landing in Sciatica, I’m about at 75% capacity. My back is largely straight, thank God, yet I still work to regain the strength I had before. Pain still besets me enough to warrant a case, but I’m managing a greatly reduced number of pain medications. Things improved to the point where I’ve returned to work.

I was the recipient of several other wonderful changes along with my improved health. Circumstances allowed me to work the night shift, giving me the opportunity to be with my family during the bulk of their waking hours. And, I feel wonderful after having my family walk together through the crisis. I am a blessed man to have such a precious family.

Today, my family not only blesses me, but I also learned to appreciate them for who they are – A valuable lesson from God. You can imagine that I’m now even more active in communicating to my wife just how much I love and appreciate everything she is and what she does for me and the kids. Bless you, Sharon, and thank you for your love and faithfulness to me!

Feed My Starving Children

CJ shares his experience at Feed My Starving Children.

A New Hope

In this video entry I share my story about George Washington praying at Valley Forge.

Story

I recently attended a conference called Story. It wasn’t just about every story having a beginning, middle and end. It was about how to communicate our experiences in ways that help others understand and possibly feel what we’ve encountered. Stories help us to understand life.

Anon, a Siberian Elder once said, “If you don’t know the trees you may be lost in the forest. If you don’t know the stories you may be lost in life.”

Author Ursula K. Leguin put it another way, “There have been great societies that did not use the wheel, but there have been no societies that did not tell stories.”

When God’s son showed up on our planet He had the power to heal and raise people from the dead. However, one thing He seemed to do more than anything else was tell stories or parables. He could have just stated the facts or pointed out the six easy steps to doing whatever, but instead He chose to relate to those around Him through the sharing of stories.

Today, we continue to share stories in books, on television and in movie theaters. Many of those stories have touched lives and cultures in many ways. Modern day stories shown on the silver screen have popularized clothing lines, catch phrases and worldviews or philosophies of life. In fact, it’s my opinion that stories mold a generation.

With story being so important, I understand why God had a Christian invent television, creating the very rules that didn’t allow for words like water closet to be used on air. It also made sense to me why God positioned the church to police the motion picture industry with the Hays Motion Picture Code for decades. During that time period films wouldn’t make it into the theaters unless the Christian film office gave its approval on the film’s content. No wonder that era was considered the golden age of movies.

What I have difficulty understanding is why the church pulled out of television and walked away from the job of policing movies before they could be released. The moment the Christians pulled out, the number of R-rated films skyrocketed. Profanity also moved into television and got worse every decade. The church had given its story telling media to the secular industry.

Today there is a grassroots movement to bring story back into our lives in the form of wholesome and moral entertainment. But more importantly, preachers and fathers are moving back to sharing stories that reveal who God is and how we are to live with Him. Many of the stories tell of His mighty works in our simple lives and how much He loves us.

It’s my hope that we will all learn how to share stories of our lives with others, in hopes of each listener being able to understand and feel how good life can be with God at the center of it. Do you have a story that is itching to be told? I suggest you share it with those around you and watch how it impacts their lives. It is a priceless value worth sharing.

Failure to Fail

I debated about entering the 168 Write of Passage screenplay competition recently. It was a difficult choice since I felt like my reputation would be at risk. Over the past year I’ve been a screenwriting columnist, sharing proven techniques for filmmakers and writers to improve their craft, resulting in me being perceived as an expert of sorts.

While there was a good basis for this perception, I felt like some put me on a pedestal. In some people’s minds I could do no wrong in the area of story and was therefore set up for a fall – especially since story is subjective. Needles to say, I swallowed hard and entered the competition.

It didn’t take long before I received my rejection notice. I hadn’t even made it off of the ground. While I’m not sure how many levels of competition there was, it was clear that I didn’t make it out of the gate. The one point of solace for me was that I received excellence in the categories of my story premise or high concept, and scriptural integrity. All the rest of the categories received a marking of fair.

During my morning devotional, I read about Cain and Abel bringing their gifts to the Lord. Cain presented a fair gift, while Abel gave the best he had. Abel had raised excellent livestock and chose from the fold his very best as a gift offering to God.

Given my circumstances, the one thing I couldn’t help but notice was that both men made an attempt by giving a gift. I wondered what would have happened if one of them chose not to do anything. I further speculated on what would have happened to all around them if one decided to live with apathy at the core of their Christian life.

While I was not able to pull off something spectacular or award winning during the seven-day competition, I at least took the risk of failing. This resulted in me meeting new friends, improving my techniques and diving into more research for additional improvements – an ongoing process in filmmaking.

However, I took pause to consider what would have happened if I chose not to enter.

I currently have a story being considered for the silver screen, as a direct result from having entered the competition. And, I can tell you that I’d rather sign a contract for a screenplay than win a trophy. Apathy would have gotten me nowhere, but it would have protected my pride and my position. Thank God I was willing to take the risk of failing.

Now, it is possible that I won’t get a contract, and I’m sure the competition is fierce, but had I not done anything…

When I was raising my kids, I told them to each find some activity they could be involved in that they were really bad at. I wanted them to find a skill that they could fail at miserably. While their faces were perplexed, they soon learned that it wasn’t so bad to fail. In fact, they found it freeing. They also found that when the pressure of success was taken off, they could actually improve and get better. Although, they found that the better they got, the more pressure would be put on them by others. It didn’t take long to realize that not taking the risk was the only kind of failure they couldn’t live with.

I once heard Dr. Henry Cloud tell single men that the only reason they haven’t found the right woman was because they hadn’t failed enough. He recommended that the moment his talk ended, they should go out a meet a minimum of five women and see how many rejections they could obtain.

Michael Jordan understood the logic behind failure. His career points scored were amazing, but more amazing was how many attempts he made, or should I say how many times he failed to make the shot. What’s interesting is that no one remembers the misses, as they’re too busy talking about the successes.

When you think of Walt Disney, you can’t help but think of the incredible creativity and global success he had. Few people reflect on his seven near bankruptcies. Thomas Edison learned that there were 999 ways not to invent the light bulb before he invented it. The makers of 409 cleaner learned that there were 408 formulas that didn’t get the job done.

I’m convinced that the only failure comes from the choice to do nothing. So if you bump into me this week, you’ll probably find me working at failing. And when those success stories come, I will rejoice all the more in how God used my small steps of faith to do marvelous things for His kingdom. The reward of pleasing God and helping others far outweighs the risk of failure.

Hope Brings Survival

The sitting area at the Department of Human Services (DHS) was packed with people waiting to receive food stamps. The faces showed little life, as most were overwhelmed by their dire situations. A sense of emptiness filled the room with a few exceptions – the ones who had just submitted their request forms for the first time.

I looked into one man’s eyes and saw a sadness that is only embraced by those who no longer see any value in themselves. He was down on his luck for sometime and had no hope whatsoever. A couple was anxious to receive their allotment, so they could stop by the store on the way home to feed their kids for the first time since last week.

One man was trying to get sober enough to request provisions for another drink. A woman off in the corner cried and cried, not being able to understand how she ended up with nothing after the divorce. A little girl with her belly extended from hunger kept asking her grandmother when they would be able to eat again.

If only I had money with me, I would have responded. I was not in any position to help the crowd of forty some people that were crammed into the small waiting area. The only thing I could give them was hope, but they were weary of my presence because of the clean shirt I wore. I stood out like a sore thumb.

I blessed those who I could bless and prayed silently for others. My heart felt wrenched from the surrounding misery, filth and stench. My mind couldn’t comprehend all that I saw in the second wealthiest county in the United States – the clear representation of abject poverty.

Tears flowed from my eyes when I got home. The sights and experiences of the morning had emotionally devastated me. And what of me, would I sell all I had and give it to the poor?

I remembered a wealthy friend from years ago who visited squalor homes and helped erect tin roofs over cardboard walls in Mexico. He was so moved that he wanted to give everything he had, if it weren’t for his responsibilities to his family, associates and local church. He had to remind himself that the poor would always be among us.

My heart would never be the same after my visit to the DHS facility. I thanked God that my value was in Him and not in my work, which can so easily disappear in this day and age. I was so thankful that God’s word brings hope, the one ingredient that most were missing.

Hopelessness is worse than hardship because it represents the poverty of the soul. How rich I am to find solace in Christ and joy in knowing that God is looking out for me during my desperate days. I have hope and will therefore survive, but for the hopeless, they rely on us taking the initiative to speak hope into their lives. For to whom much is given, much is required.

Preparing for the Holidays

The air is charged with emotional expectations from Thanksgiving through the Super Bowl. It is a time of year when most men want to let go and relax, but they find themselves walking on eggshells, trying to avoid disappointing a family member’s unexpressed and emotionally based expectation. It becomes a no win scenario that men are confident they will lose.

Last weekend I had the fortunate opportunity to have my entire adult family back in the area for what I’ll call a pre-holiday dinner. The evening was charged with emotions as everyone had an expectation of how the night should go or probably would go. Each person brought their unspoken fears and hopes into the dinning room, filing it with an uneasiness or tension.

The moment I made a comment that could be taken as a cut or ambiguous at best, a person who always desires the best from others, jumped on me with words that felt condemning – the same type of judgment that she hoped would not be present so everyone could feel loved and accepted.

The words I spoke could be taken one of three ways: positively; negatively; or, in jest (positive with a negative lining). The person who needed everything to go right or perfect, saw it negatively. Then again with emotions peaked for the evening, I’m confident all saw it negatively and wouldn’t even be able to fathom how it could be taken any other way. The tension brought into the event colored the way everyone perceived things.

The wrong words coming out of my mouth helped me to realize that everyone had a choice to make in how they handled my poorly stated comment; with grace or disdain. I too had a choice to emotionally check out or stay in the game. Since I don’t like the outcome when my friends mentally or emotionally check out during their family events, I choose to stay involved even though I might be the recipient of more emotional hits.

While some might wonder if I’m a masochist, let me clarify that by staying emotionally and mentally present, I have a wonderful opportunity to demonstrate grace in how I receive those emotional hits. It gives my family an opportunity to see grace in action. Although, some would argue that they will only remember my offense and not how I handled the embracing verbal correction in front of everyone.

Men need respect and the surest way to hurt a man through disrespect during a family event is to ask him a “why” question about his behavior in front of others, tearing down the relationship. Unfortunately, in family events that are filled with tension, most people jump on the first person to say or do anything wrong, charging the air with even more tension and dread – Except for the relief felt knowing that someone else became the target for the evening.

When grace is present at family functions, inappropriate comments are overlooked, allowing the person to relax and make less tension based mistakes. If a person persists in poor behavior, a gracious person takes them to the side and asks them a “what” question to understand the emotional pain or mental anguish they might be facing that triggered such behavior. This opens the door for intimacy and allows the gracious person to pray for them and show them acceptance – It strengthens the relationship.

I know in advance which parties with family or friends will be volatile and which ones will be filled with grace. I’m also confident that I will be cut down at least once during the volatile event and should therefore be prepared not to get angry or withdraw. I sometimes wonder if I subconsciously make the first foolish comment to draw the attacks away from everyone else for the evening, discharging the tension so all can relax and have fun. Then again, my recent lay-off probably had more to do with last weekend’s blunder than anything else – Never under estimate the power of insecurity in someone else’s life.

I also know what parties will welcome me and I will go with a happy heart, knowing that I will receive an abundance of grace and love in those households. While some would suggest that I only go to the parties where I receive acceptance, I will continue to attend all parties filled with people I love. I’ll just give myself permission to come late and leave early in order to reduce the amount of emotional hits I have to shield my heart from.

There is nothing more freeing than making a decision in advance of the event about the length of time I will participate in and the emotional responses I’ll allow myself to share with others. My life experience has proven that what I think leads to what I feel, which leads to how I act. By pre-determining my thoughts about the upcoming event, prepares me to respond appropriately when things get out of hand. I have a friend that takes it a step further and actually works out a script of what will be said in order to preclude a lot of negative emotions and battles.

So this holiday season I will focus on demonstrating grace to everyone and limit the amount of emotional hits I’ll receive before leaving the difficult parties. And who knows, maybe if others are also practicing grace, we will soon see more emotionally friendly parties than tension filled ones.

God Walks With Us Through Conflict

AuthenticTeens.com is one of my favorite sites. While it is designed to encourage teens to live authentic lives, I can’t help but appreciate the sentiment that authenticity is needed among all Christians. Being “real” as my generation used to say is desperately needed. We live in a society filled with real struggles. So real that some suffering Christians question whether or not they really know God as a result of their plight. It makes me wonder if we’ve lost track that our God walks through the valley of the shadow of death with us.

The pretentious sugar coated god that some still preach is obsolete. The lack of relevance living a false “mama’s boy” life is numbing. It’s time for men to step up and be a strong standard for those around him, while suffering through his own struggles. Being a man of God today suggests we admit our faults and continue to share Christ’s love in spite of ourselves. After all, we know the story of the two fish and five loaves used to feed the 5,000. It gives me confidence that God can use the little amount of godliness in my life to help someone else.

Life has become gritty and many Christians are putting forth a lot of energy trying to maintain a gritless life. They bend over backwards trying to keep their pretense or facade in place, hoping to attract non-believers to a rosy gospel. Unfortunately, those who are hurting economically and by the hand of dysfunctional families need a savior who isn’t afraid of getting his white robe dirty.

Conflict is all around us and we can no longer pretend it doesn’t affect Christians – It does.

The Bible tells us that it rains on the just and the unjust. And today, I’d say the rain is saturated with pollutants. I can’t turn on the television without seeing something the Bible tells me not to dwell on. The availability of trash is rampant on the web. Worse yet, is the apathy among churches to engage society with a relevant gospel in a meaningful way – Most are too busy maintaining status quo of a cheery Christianized disposition.

Let’s just admit that we Christians still need grace.

I sin all too often, but I no longer allow it to slow me down from sharing Christ’s love with those who need it. One of my greatest sins, if I dare measure it, is not being honest enough to allow others to see me for who I am including my faults. How refreshing it was to share in last Sunday’s class a struggle I’ve faced several times in my life. Not only did confessing my struggle to the class help me live a transparent life, but it allowed the adults taking the class to get a real example of how God can meet them in the middle of their struggles as well.

The thing I appreciate the most about the class I lead, is that we make the room a safe place for sharing our personal struggles. Whatever is said in the class stays in the classroom. Out of respect for all participants, everyone honors that code. And what a freeing experience to be able to share openly without receiving any judgment, which speaks volumes of a modern day miracle.

Unfortunately, many churches prefer to not offer classes that deal with conflict or negative issues. They prefer to put on popular classes that attract those who are looking for some form of positive spiritual entertainment that doesn’t require difficult heart work. Not everyone is interested in really knowing the one true, authentic and living God when they find themselves steeped in negative issues. Some would rather pretend that all is well.

It is my supposition that churches didn’t choose to end up in this scenario, but focused on having God’s peace as confirmation of His touch in their lives. Some eventually skewed the perspective and avoided all forms of conflict to prove their walk with Him, rather than walking through the conflict with Him. It is possible that their views shifted to believe that they were walking according to Christ by being free of conflict rather than being peaceful through conflict.

Jesus faced a huge amount of conflict and shared with us about the peace that passes all understanding. It’s the type of peace that can rest in your life in the middle of unemployment. The kind of peace that can get you through family conflicts that rarely resolve. It is the incomprehensible peace that meets you in the shadows of loneliness and despair. It is a peace that proves our God reigns today, regardless of what we face.

There is an authentic God and He is with us in our authentic lives. Unfortunately, He finds little room for himself in the lives of those putting on pretense or taking away the safety of sharing our lives with each other. As for me, I will serve the God of peace that resides in the middle of my confusion, agitation or aggravated experiences. He is a big God and He can handle my messes and pour out His grace to me because of who He is, not who I am.

Now tell me, who during these difficult economic times would walk away from getting to know such a God?

A Waterfall of Demonstration Kills Empty Expectations

The other day one of my female friends was wondering why few people showed up to the church missionary dessert event. I shared how one person told me they weren’t going because it had the same speaker from the previous two events, the same choir, the same band and the same plea for donations. And since he had already pledged his support, he saw no reason to attend.

My friend got a little ruffled and she shared that we are to go, not because of what we get out of it, but what we can put into it. As I reflected on her words, I realized that she was missing one interesting fact; no one had ever taught or demonstrated to the man how a Christian is to support church events. He had no clue.

The discipline of tithing popped into my mind and it dawned on me that I could count on one hand the number of times it was taught from the pulpit over the past dozen years. I couldn’t help but wonder how all the new Christians attending our church were going to learn how to tithe and the incredible blessings that come into our lives as a result.

A few weeks ago I bumped into a group of women chatting in the hallway of our church. They were complaining about how many of them are ready to mentor younger women, but few of the younger generation are interested. Their conversation quickly turned toward the downward trend of younger women not knowing how to be a blessing to God and their church.

With all the churches I’ve visited in my travels, the expectations of some church leaders amaze me. Some expect the body to tithe, but they won’t teach on a somewhat regular basis the blessings that come from it. Others have wisdom to share and wonder why no one is seeking them out. What happened to mentoring and demonstrating? Have we forgotten that new Christians don’t have a clue?

When I first became a believer at age 12, I was blessed to have a pastor spend some one-on-one time with me. He showed me how to lay hands on the sick with compassion and pray for them. He walked me through how to listen to the Spirit and know His voice. He stepped me through every aspect of tithing and the giving of offerings – how to give according to the Spirit, not the emotions driven by elitism or guilt.

The church I attend today is too large for the head pastor to spend quality time with everyone. In fact, our church is so large that most wouldn’t expect our pastor to know them by name. However, our head pastor can guide our team of some 20+ pastors, who can each guide their key people or lead volunteers, who could guide those under them, and so on. By using the waterfall principle, our pastor has the ability to demonstrate down through the ranks everything we need to know for righteous living.

Once the demonstration is passed down to the men in the church, they in turn can pass it down to their kids, who can share it with the neighbor kids, and so on. What an incredible and powerful tool our pastor has in place.

Can you imagine the confidence men would have in the church if a pastor decided to demonstrate from the platform how to pray for a wife? And then, demonstrate it again for the other pastors, who would demonstrate it to their lead volunteers, who would demonstrate it to their ministry teams or small groups, who would then demonstrate it to their families. Within a matter of months, the men in our church would be comfortable and knowledgeable about how to pray for their wives.

The married women I know would be ecstatic. They would turn around and tell all their friends in the community what their church was teaching and how their husbands are blessing them. I’m confident the joy of those women would be so high; they would forget about the affects the economy had on their lives and they would be inviting neighbors to church regularly.

Everyone directly impacts about 200 people each year, but most don’t take advantage of passing on any enlightenment. If they wait on the sidelines for their pastor to teach them how and what to pass on, they may never do it. So, since Jesus called us directly to fulfill the great commission and to love one another as He loves us, I suggest that married men dive in and begin praying for their wife today. And, single men can start praying for their future wife, as women love to hear how they were thought about and prayed for, before ever meeting.

Not all pastors will have the same structure in place and not all pastors would be willing to use such a powerful tool regularly for fear of someone changing the message to something unhealthy in the process. But, we are all individually responsible before God to seek what we need to learn and to pass it along to others – Together we might live kingdom principle filled lives as a witness to the world.

As for me, I love having a mentor in my life and I always make myself available to mentor others when I can. I’m a firm believer in demonstrating biblical applications within our lives that help us to live according to God’s kingdom-lifestyle. So I’m dropping all empty expectations I have for others and I will implement a waterfall affect of demonstrating what I’ve learned to those around me, in person or electronically.